the happily married single momma...

pink.

2012-01-12T17:46:00.000-08:00

my favorite color for as long as i can remember was red.

my girls wore the most perfect shade of red for our fall wedding.

i have big regrets about not wearing red shoes at my wedding. at the time, almost 10 years ago, it was too risky. now its in. i was almost ahead of the fashion time just once in my life! but i chickened out and batted my eyes at my dad to buy the most inappropriately priced pair of perfect diamond white shoes for one day! wished they were red!

i had a red kitchen once.

i love all things red!

then.

i had boys.

two of them.

i am outnumbered.

everything in my life is BOY!

i do not relate to boys.

everything is blue {or actually my oldests favorite color is "beige"... not a joke}

so my favorite color is now becoming a few shades lighter and i dream of pink.

boys are....

rough. messy. intense. physical. obnoxious. they find potty humor far funnier than i ever can. they get dirty. they smell... STINK!

they don't care what they look like.

there is not a single solitary thing dainty about them.

they leave stuff everywhere.

then there is the bathroom.

isn't it bad enough that I have to clean up from their misaiming?

nope.

this morning, in a cold half sleepy stumble i ran into the bathroom to pee really fast and run back to my warm cozy bed.

the pee'er before me MISSED... and that meant not only did i have to sit on a cold seat... it was a WET seat.

COME ON YOU JERKS!

so i spent my day today dreaming of pink.

some day i will have a pink bathroom all to my own.

pinterest has allowed me to dream even bigger!

it will say "girls only" on the door.

in the meantime, while i save for my very own pink bathroom...

and in the words of the boys' preschool teacher "watch your pee'ers!" BOYS!

busy brain.

2012-01-04T17:24:00.000-08:00

words.
i have words in my brain.
a LOT of them.
and no pictures to post.... so its appropriate!

do you get busy brain?
you know, when you literally can not stop thinking of things.
things you want to do, change, see, try, organize, buy, fix, etc....
your thoughts are a runonsenctencethatkeepsyouupatnight?

i do!!!!!
so here it goes, in an effort to cleanse my brain and acquire a good nights sleep!

first... and most fun, i am obsessed with pinterest. have you tried it? you should. well, you shouldn't, and your list of to-do's & feeling of productivity will thank me later!
i can not get away from it! recipes, crafts, words, ideas, decorations, inspirations... oh it is so fun!
i wake up thinking about it! it is a problem.

next... i have taken a self-imposed break from facebook. i make the rules. but the jist of it is i have had some conversations recently that have turned me away from it. without thought, on facebook, i focus on the people who respond to my posts with comments or likes. i often will post something... maybe a thought or question, and i have an idea of who will respond and communicate with me in regards to my post or update. what throws me off, and has turned me away, are those that do NOT comment. that read, file it in their heads, and make comments in person later. often times harmless comments... a simple "oh yea, i saw that on facebook". and in my head im thinking, stalker!!! i didn't know you saw that. and then i remind myself there people who read and don't comment. hence, the self imposed break. if you want to see my kids... come visit! if you want to know whats shaking, give a call! just sayin'! and so far, 4 days into my self-imposed break... it feels good!!!! i feel free. i have redirected my thoughts i shared on facebook to the people i want to share them with. the "mobile uploads" get sent to the people i WANT to see it {mainly my hubby}. and it feels nice to redirect my connection to people.

and moving on.... new year. resolutions. i don't really like them. its a set up for failure. who actually follows through with them??
BUT.... i do find the new year a huge time for nesting in my house. assessing what has happened in your previous year.
the highs.
the lows.
lessons learned.
memories made.
goals accomplished.
failures.
etc.
and then, my friends, it is a good time to press the reset button and start anew!
that is what i plan to do in twenty-twelve.

i will share some throughout the year here on my blog and some ... well, ill keep those to myself.
i feel like i have a thousand blog posts in my head right now.
ideas for our house.
things with the kids.
photography thoughts and learnings.
recipes.
life changes.

stay tuned my little pretties!

i miss my blog!

2011-12-22T11:19:00.000-08:00

well, it has been a long time since i wrote on this blog.

life got busy... and i lost track of it some how.

but it is always in the back of my head... tugging at me.

i like to share things, i'm sort of a "public" person- where my feelings on my sleeve kind of girl.

and this blog was a type of outlet for me... me thinks i shall begin dabbling again!

this time of year brings such time of reflection.

of what the year gave to me, us, our family. what things we accomplished, the trials we hurdled, and the memories we have made. with this year marking the "year of firsts" after my dads passing, some how i find myself somewhat... correction... very emotional this holiday. it has caught me off guard. i miss him terribly.

my family has done great things this year... despite what seems like the most unhealthy year of our lives with our family of 4... we have purchased a home, settled in to make it feel like our own, the tooth fairy has come twice, a new talker has entered the family {with quite an opinion i may add}, we have learned things and grown, we are blessed. i love looking through our pictures, its such a time of reflection. of all we have done. it some how reminds me of the things i didn't get done too... there is always next year! maybe instead of a summer to do list i should make a 2012 to do list. not a new years resolution... but just things we'd like to do. a check list!

i have begun working on our annual yearbook album i make every year.

here is a peek at my favorite pictures from our 2011 {in no particular order}...

me & my main squeeze on our way to charlotte to visit my bff

my boys!

my three loves

i love this kid. he is so spirited... full of life!

a halloween trick... snow!

watch out momma!

first day of school for sammy!

first tooth!

summertime fun & memories

rainy days

christmas tree ligthing 2011

one of my favorite pictures. unedited. my monkey in a beautiful fall tree.

this is what it is all about!

what i look like all the time to others!

tooth fairy prep!

swingin

HUGE snow storm... and that baby face!

fall love.

batman & robin

miss you dad...

sam picking a perfect one

my new obsession!

sam at my sisters house

jackabie

winks!

tired fireman

the perfect night.

summtime fun

brotherly love

keeping busy during the long months of winter

silly boy

crazy boy!!

god bless america.

my love.

a future fashionista

first day of kindergarten!

surfer

a beautiful day in avalon

happy 5th birthday to my baby

sam.

yum

too cute

me and my sammy

our family. vacation. avalon. 2011

familiar & cozy

2011-07-15T11:32:00.000-07:00

i have neglected my blog in recent months.
we have new diggs! finally a house of our own! every nook & crannie is ours! the first real night here we went to use our microwave, which is brand new installed over our oven, and it blew the power out.... my hubbie and i looked at eachother and kinda laughed as we proudly realized this was OUR problem... there was no one to call. and we loved that!
we are busy nesting and settling.
i was just reading another blog where the author referred to something as familiar and cozy. these words really stood out to me. they hit home.
i like things familiar & cozy. i don't do well with change. i have been fighting the feeling of homelessness ... almost a sense of displacement. yuck!
but i do love our new digs! i love the light that pours in, the family room downstairs, the colors we have chosen to paint to make it more our own, i love the deck, the pool and our attic fan! i love the quiet hum of birds and dogs and kids running around... this is a real novelty as our old home was perched right beside the highway! we love to sleep with the windows open and enjoy just cruising around on our bikes!
we do miss our old neighbors though!!!! we had it good and boy do we miss them! hopefully in time we can find some new friends to make new memories with!
here are a few random pictures of us enjoying our new familiar & cozy (well almost familiar and working on cozy!)

my little fishy loves the pool we acquired!

having lots of fun with friends over to swim

my favorite little man and favorite little lady all bundled up after a swim!

this guy couldn't be happier to have his own yard to tend to!

sometimes its super cute.... and others id like to kill him as he would spend every waking moment out there primping the lawn and landscape!

first night at our new house for a pizza picnic!

for some reason i have not taken any pictures of the new house! guess i need to work on that...

our new digs need lots of lovin. nothing major, just lovin! some paint, some updating, in the long term a bit more space... but its great now too! ready for lots of family memories, familiar and cozy!

all i ever wanted....

2011-03-08T18:56:00.000-08:00

sing the tune.
vacation all i ever wanted! vacation time to get away!

oh wait... we are back!
but it was a MUCH needed get away.

time to be back to reality!

but now i have that song in my head.
i love music.
not in the way that i love to go to concerts or follow certain bands around.
i love how music takes me to a certain place.
some songs its a moment.
some songs make me remember an exact moment and memory in my life.
others, its an era or time in my life.

sometimes the song will come on and make me ooze and gush with happy and amazing memories.
sometimes i reach for the dial and turn the song as it makes me think of a memory that makes my stomach turn.
or i laugh with embarrassment.
or cry.
a song can bring me down or bounce me out of a funk.
i find music so powerful.
when i find a song i love i literally play it on replay, learning all the words, singing in my car as loud as i can.
weird!
right now my song of the moment is "raise your glass" by pink.

it takes me to a moment when my sister and her 17 (now 18) year old son and my little man were driving around after christmas SCREAM-SINGING the song and dancing in the car. driving aimlessly.
not only was this a great & fun memory. it was a moment... it was the moment in time that i can actually pinpoint shortly after my dad died that we had to rally. rally and have some fun. and i let myself. i hear that song these days and it makes me smile. want to raise my glass and toast my dad and live life to the fullest.... and drive around the streets singing and dancing...
until i hear my son sing "dirty little freaks"... hmmmm!

do you ever wonder if people hear a song and think of you? a memory or moment or something??

well in an effort to be completely random. and include some pictures in this post...
enjoy some highlights from our recent trip to naples florida.
it was delightful!

sammy in his "al-e-gay-derrrr"

ridiculous but well worth the purchase. by stearns. it kept him floating. although you must keep your eye on them... it was a nice safety helper!

this my friends is what i got when i asked my boys to "sit nice for just ONE picture".

such is life!

too cool!

sam loved the hammock!

these two besties are a riot!

in florida our great friends from home also have family that have a condo in the SAME complex as our familiy. it is VERY fun to have your friends on vacation with you. for the kids AND the grown ups!

boys having breakfast on the lanai

only in 2011 does a 5 year old sip a pina colada while playing with his daddy's itouch.

im not sure if its funny, ridiculous, or embarrassing!

paradise on my birthday!

on our way out to dinner on 5th ave.

we went to cafe larcat.

it was the most fancy meal i've ever had. i ordered a $40 filet and it was absolutely heaven in my mouth.

it was amazing. then we had homemade WARM cinnamon & sugar donuts. they melted in my mouth.

it was amazing. i will remember how special it was always.

i even tried sea bass- i don't eat seafood. it was even good!

i wished i could call my dad and tell him all about it!

he was the kind of man who really appreciated a good meal!

i am pretty sure this does not need a caption or explanation! just needs a good laugh!

there is something about this photo i love!

it captures him.

holding hands with his daddy!

monkey habitat at the naples zoo!

amazing!

sammy tried a lemon at bellini for lunch on 5th ave!

this just happened. unposed. unplanned. and my hubby was on his a-game and caught a moment!

i love this because im always behind the camera and never in the photo. so i treasure this moment!

good times!

sammy screaming at seagulls.

also documenting his never ending desire to refuse to eat! nice ribs kid!

i love his fruity little euro-suit! it keeps him rash free!

why do boys bathing suit trends have to be so long that result in all the boys having to where spandex under their suits. it drives me nuts!

i love him. and love this picture. a little sass & tude. so handsome!

this damn digger haunted me. he says "digg-garrrr" and insisted on tossing it into the surf MULTIPLE times and would then scream "ohhhhh noooooo" and cry so id chase it down.

but i do love this photo of his sandy hands and body with his prized diggg-garrrr!

most kids play football in the surf with goggles, right?

next time i am sad or down in the dumps or he is driving me nuts... i will look at this picture and smile!

happy hump day... almost!

light at the end of the tunnel

2011-02-21T16:21:00.000-08:00

so there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

in many respects.

my little man turned five this weekend.

FIVE!

(i made the shirt... i got the idea from chasing fireflies & ashleyann)

seriously, that is big.

and honestly, he drives me nuts more often than not. his personality is HUGE. he fills a room.

he is...

he is not bashful.

funny.

loud.

confident.

goofy.

a rule pusher or limit tester.

a leader.

adventurous.

intense.

loving.

annoying.

kind.

empathetic.

attention seeking.

in constant motion.

smart.

inquisitive.

snuggly.

in one word.... spirited.

since he was old enough to have come in to his own, not quite an infant but soon after...

we have always said that he does things with 150%.

when he loves you ... it is intense and with squeezes that almost hurt.

when he plays at the playground he is sweating.

when he is mad... its VERY mad.

when he finds something he loves he is so passionate about it... he could get lost in lego's for hours and could tell you more about dino's than any paleontologist (and he knows what a paleontologist is!)

when he is sad he is so deeply hurt that it hurts me to watch.

when he sleeps he is like a bear who is hibernating.

he loves his brother SO much he would literally be attached to him all day if he was allowed to be.

when he is happy he laughs from the depths of his belly.

and so on...

he keeps me on my toes.

every.

moment.

of.

the.

day.

he challenges me.

he adores me.

he asks questions.

you give him an inch and he takes a mile. so i must stay ON my toes.

recently i feel like there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

like the days are less challenging and more fun.

i catch him being good more often than not.

the other day he declared "this is going to be the best party ever mommy! THANK YOU!"

and that is what i call my paycheck!

what i must focus on to keep me going on the crummy days.

he was SO excited to be five!

he was so proud to break a big board at his karate birthday party!

storm trooper... watch out!

this killed me to buy the gun for him. i have mixed feelings about guns and kids.

same thing with tv... and many other "taboos"... the more you deny them the object the more they want it. that is another topic for another day though.

reading with his lego lamp in the dark!

and here are a few things from his birthday party... lego themed.

i found ideas from ashleyann's blog (see link above) and etsy too!

lego creations on the mantle

goodie bags!

they had "5"s made out of lego stickers with his name saying thank you {etsy... thank you notes to match}

lego mini figures and brixx candy builders

birthday cupcakes... rainbow!

liners from etsy.

lego men i made with ice cube mold and candy melts

rainbow cupcakes!

i originially saw the idea on meg's whatever blog, although have since seen it a few other places.

{i have learned that they are MESSY. i make it with 2 boxes of cake mix and devide to bowls to mix colors, then put large zip lock bag that is in a big water glass (so it doesn't spill) then cut the end of the bag and squeeze into cupcake liners... if you do it with a spoon it is really messy)

so my baby is five!

happy day to my little man a day late.

and as my dad would say every year to me- "happy birthing day".

i missed him lots on jack's big day.

while it was tons of fun... it was a clear reminder that life goes on without him.

and he is not here to share in the moments.

and that makes me sad.

on another note....

my project 365 is only mildly off track.

i have decided to do the best i can with it.

i will miss days! that is okay.

it is my project. i make the rules. but i am not going to throw in the towel on missed days!

so check out my simply 365!

big day

2011-01-19T17:57:00.000-08:00

i have nothing important to write.
some random thoughts and pictures to share.
i am hoping, not promising, but hoping to get back to some goal oriented things in the upcoming weeks here on this blog!
just hoping though!

today was a big day.
hopefully the beginning of the end. for over 3 years now we have battled with what i begrudgingly refer to as the "mystery cough" of my little man's.
for almost 3 years straight his team of doctors insisted on treating him for asthma.
for 3 years straight i continued to say "he doesn't respond to inhalers. i do not think this is in his lungs. it is in his nose".
for 3 straight years doctors insisted he had asthma or reactive airway disease.
for 3 straight years they insisted i give my child a plethora of drugs to address his 'asthma'. when i say that i have a pharmacy in my medicine cabinet. this is no joke.
you know, doctors are always right. at least this is typically my philosophy. i trusted his doctors. i began to feel literally INSANE. i posted here about it. i heard his cough begin and i shuttered at the mere thought of sleepless nights, his cough to puke response, and the emotional exhaustion that would set in feeling completely and utterly helpless to my baby as he lay on the bathroom floor, asking for a steamy shower and apologizing for throwing up on his bed at 2 am, as we clean vomit and call the dr's. over and over and over and over.
and over.
i finally made the decision to change pediatrian's and voila... life has changed.
she has completely rocked our world. i could write a book about our experiences, both good and bad, to date regarding this.
i will fast forward to the good stuff though... our new pediatrician, dr elin cohen, sent us to get a second opinion from a new pulmonologist. we met dr kayani and he believed me. he listened to me. the MOTHER. it was amazing. i cried. good tears this time... not the kind of tears i cried leaving other dr offices. he said that first day he was pretty sure he knew what it was but wanted to rule out a few other things first because his hypothesis required a blood test that none of us felt my little man would sit through. but quickly we got that test {he sat through it} and dr kayani was RIGHT!
jack has a bacteria in his body that prohibits him from fighting off sinus infections {he was recently diagnosised with chronic sinusitic... NOT ASTHMA!} it is called streptococcus pneumoniae. so today he got his vaccine that will hopefully be the answer to our prayers!

adios "mystery cough". i will not miss you. you were not invited. i loathe you quite frankly. you have tortured my baby and myself and family for moving on 4 years plus now. you have ruined vacations and made my little man cranky and tired ... and me too! you have resulted in him having to be poked and prodded and tested and treated for things unnecessarily... you have caused stress and fears. do not come back.

picture 19 for project 365.

the vaccine!

wow. my post DID have a purpose after all.

you sit down to write and suddenly you feel better!

here are a few pictures of life around here lately.

apparently connecticut is the new north pole.

jack in our driveway.

i have never seen so much snow in my life! it came up to his hips. almost impossible to play in.

this is my front steps.

you can not see them. i am pretty sure we will not have access to them until approximately april or may?!

my rosey cheeked main man.

he plays hard. hence the snow-filled hat, red cheeks, and jacket covered in snow.

nothing better than neighborhood friends... they made a "quarry" that was full of tunnels out of the snow mounds from the snow plows.

our street.

so peaceful & serene.

he eats snow.

a LOT of it.

do you think that is bad?

our neighbor julia {sammy's love} jumping off snow mounds

monkey see monkey do!

here is to spring!

cheers!

365... but not so much with the day to day

2011-01-10T17:14:00.000-08:00

so, does it count if my 365 pictures don't get posted every single day but i update as i have time?

hope so!
i am enjoying my challenge. it has forced me to be creative already 10 days in.
i really need to get my act together and take a few online courses to master my new baby {camera that is}

day 4.

this is what my house looks like at dinner time with three kids!

day 5.

the view from our room at our stratton, vt gettaway with our bff's. sans kids. enough said!

day 6.

hot tub after skiing.

day 7.

my loves.

day 8.

note "mr. bear" in the extra booster seat. he is a bear that gets to go home with each child, and keeps a journal of what he does the entire time he is with you. jack was the LAST kid to get him. it killed him to wait! and while 'mr bear' is super cute in theory... and even how much each kid glows as they march out of school with 'mr. bear' under arm and his giant back-kack {as jack says} on their backs weighing them down.

i... well... i find him really icky. full of germs, dust, & mold.

am i a bad mom?

i am going to say no because several other mom's confessed the same feelings. and apparently i'm not the only loon who did 'mr. bear's' laundry. he he!

day 9.
ok- i confess. i forgot today. so i was gonna "fake it" tomorow. but that is breaking the rules. so... i looked up and saw this... my glass of wine, my cell phone & the baby monitor. very important things because
1. sam is very sick and the monitor is needed
2. my phone is sitting there waiting for the dr to respond to me regarding aforementioned #1.
3. the wine is to ease the blow of the fact that one of my kids is sick ... again!
{i think my narrative is better than the photo}
and ps- i HATE taking pictures at night. i like natural light! but this was taken without a flash... which is one of the many reasons i heart my new camera!

day 10.

my little man hard at work.

i have nothing else important to ad today.

my littlest man is sick. im tired. i don't do well without a full nights sleep... have i mentioned that before?

sweet dreams!

i will...

2011-01-03T17:44:00.000-08:00

i will not make a resolution.
{although, proudly, last years resolution was met!}

quite frankly, i would prefer to think of them as goals.
the end of the year is a natural time to reflect & contemplate.
accomplishments, defeats, good times & bad, things that made you laugh & cry. worry & rejoice.

2010 has been... well, the worst year of my life.
i can honestly say, there is not one year in my life that the combination of events would lead me to say these words... "this was the worst year of my life".

but it is true.

having said that. i feel blessed. i feel, i don't know, maybe mature, in being able to say those words without nearing a nervous breakdown. in a brief nutshell, my baby had surgery {just for tubes in his ears- but scary either way}, my brother had melanoma 3 times removed, my godson fought for his life at 9 months old- it was the scariest few days and weeks i ever experienced, my son battled a chronic cough for going on 4 years prompting us to change pediatricians and pulmonologists. i attended the funeral of a 2 year old baby. and as if all these things were not stressful enough, on top of other day to day life stresses... my dad died suddenly. these are the things i remember the most out of 2010.

but... my brother survived cancer multiple times.
my son got tubes and can now hear and is no longer in pain.
my godson survived not only his initial surgery, but the emergency second surgery and fought off the terrible life threatening infection he had!
and on the very last day of this year the new team of dr's think they finally have discovered the problem for the mystery chronic cough.

so i can see i am blessed. there were good outcomes. i keep my eye on the silver lining. the small things in life that i treasure and value.
my boys. my family. my friends. this past year has opened my eyes to those who rise to the occasion. and...well... those who did not!

i have goals for 2011. not a resolution. because there is always 2012 *God willing*!
i'll spare you the mundane 'goals' of get healthy, be a better mommy/wife/friend/etc...

but in an effort to learn from this past horrible year... which has mainly taught me life is short and to treasure the small moments. and how important taking photos of the ones you love is- as in a blink of an eye those around you could be gone and all you have left is the pictures in your hands and the memories in your heart.
so.... i woke up on 1/1/11 and decided i am taking on the task of a year in photos.
365 pictures. one a day. for a year!
my goal is that this project *goal* will remind me to embrace the small things. revel in a smile. capture a mannerism of my littles. document our year.

so ... on january 3 (362 days to go)... here are the first 3!

day one.

1.1.11

sledding with daddy.

day two.

1.2.11

yummy salad {tuna, lettuce, onion, apple, cranberry, oil, & cider vinegar}

this represents my strive to eat healthy after 2 solid months of emotional eating.

day three.

1.3.11

first day of karate. he broke a board with his fist!

i cried.

here is to kicking 2010 to the curb!

bring it on 2011, i am ready for ya!

stay tuned!

the holidays...

2010-11-24T11:24:00.000-08:00

so everyone keeps saying, "so hard this happened so close to the holidays"

at first i wanted to punch them.
well... i still do.
but... im finding my silver lining.
if my dad had died in January... i would have had to grieve, and then a year later, do his first holidays.
that would have been worse... at least that is what i am going to believe because that is my reality.
and i have to find some sort of silver lining here.

today jack saw a commercial for the thanksgiving day parade. he was so excited.
i started to cry.
for my entire life. EVERY year... my dad calls me at the end of the parade to declare that santa is coming. he would scream "are you watching it? here he comes!!!"
and he would be all jolly & cheerful & ... tearful!
he lived for christmas.
my dad always played santa claus every year for church and friends houses.
he was the greatest santa!

this year i will watch the parade and likely sob my eyes out as santa comes.
the phone won't ring... and i will be sad.

my kids are the bittersweet part here.
they make me keep going.
i have no choice.
but they also make me remember my dad... which is great.
jack appeared at my feet today like this...

{terrible photo taken with my phone}
see his pen? my dad always had a pen on his shirt.
he would say, "a good salesman always has a pen"
jack always tried to swipe his pen.

these are things that jack helps me remember. i would never have thought of that.
so i love to hear his memories of his Pop Pop.
i feel horribly sad that sammy will not know my dad.
it makes my heart ache.
because my dad adored sam.
and still... sam walks around and says "poppa" when he see's his picture.
but soon that will fade and sooner than i'd like... he will forget him.

so... on a positive note.
tomorrow im going to eat!
i will be a member of the clean plate club.
i will watch the parade.
i will make the best of thanksgiving.
i will be grateful my family is together.
i will somehow find it in me... to make the best of our first holiday without dad.

enjoy your loved ones.
hug them... because you can!
xo

finding a new normal

2010-11-22T18:00:00.000-08:00

it has been a long time.
life got busy.
then life got bad.
it took me a while to get here to write... 18 days to be exact.
which for me... is a long time to not "talk".
i am an open book.
i like to be surrounded by love & support... what you see is what you get.
but this is hard... because writing it... well it makes it more real than this nightmare already is.

my dad died.
suddenly.
i still can't believe it is true. i wait for someone to pinch me and tell me that phone call at 11:13 pm over 2 weeks ago now... it was just a horrible nightmare i can't escape.

i dream of trips in the rum rum {the '67 austin healy with plates reading 'fun toy'}, trips to kuhns corner for hot dogs and later duchess when kuhn's corner closed, visiting nanny & stopping for carvel, golfing at patterson, his wildly inappropriate jokes that made us cringe and laugh at the same time, his lack of filter, or his annoying & cheesey jokes, email forwards, his insane obsession with Fairfield Univ basketball... going to games with him as a child and wanting to hide because he was SO embarrassing as he screamed at the refs "NEED MY GLASSES!!! THAT'S A WALK JACKASS!", the pride he oozed as I received my college degree and masters degree, the clean plate club, my very own santa, the things he got away with, his wealth of knowledge of diners, how he loved to go places where people knew him, or how every where we went, someone did know him, how all my friends always thought he was hilarious- even when i didn't, how he loved each of us {I am the youngest of 5} unconditionally... and defended each of our flaws & quirks, he always called me his "caboose", how he loved my husband. how he played with my kids. it was special- "my cane" tug of wars with jack, reading books to sam, how he tried to get sammy to talk more- he "heard" him say a lot of things... it made me laugh. no dad, sam can hardly utter "momma"... he did not just say "i love you"... and how jack some how managed to get him to play hide & seek once... or the times jack demanded he color and do crafts with him. he did it! i would kill for just one more of those hugs that, as my sister described perfectly, made you feel safe from the top of your head to the bottom of your toes, or one more "knee squeeze" in the front seat, or one more pinch and declaration of "this is MY side", or to simply hear his voice... his deep distinct commanding voice that filled the room. it made people listen to him. even if they didn't want to! i would kill for him to come to my house and just annoy me again... because that is what he did. what i wouldn't give for that... just once more.

i have been surrounded by love and support.
it is overwhelming.
i have learned a lot about people around me.
a lot surprising.
a lot good and some bad.
some disappointing.
some overwhelmingly amazing.
some friends became closer friends that i will forever cherish after this past couple of weeks.
i have grown up more than i wanted to ever.
i feel broken... like a piece of my soul is forever gone.
but it is part of life... sadly.

i woke up last night, just an hour after i fell asleep, without even opening my eyes just quietly sobbing.
i miss my dad.

i was named after my dad. i used to hate that.
now... i cling to that.
i also look like my dad.
and i hope to be a lot like him in many ways.
the priest said to us "think of the things you loved about him. think of all he did. and try to emulate them in your life. this is how you will carry him on".
i will continue to volunteer... my dad taught me that. and i will do that in his honor.
i will sing my heart out at church and when they play the national anthem.
i will cheer for Big Blue!
i will quote cheesy jokes of his. maybe ;)
and many many other things.

i feel so grateful to the people in my life that have surrounded me to get through this horrendous time.
the tribute we gave to my dad was over the top!
just like he wanted.
but more importantly, exactly what he deserved!

i know he is here with me. my very own special angel.

i have a lot more to say about my dad.

but for now i work towards finding my new normal.

figuring out what life is like... without my dad.

hoping each day gets easier.

hoping the tears jump up and bite me at less brutal times.

hoping my brain functioning returns some time soon {did you know that a traumatic experience like this causes your brain to stop functioning the way it used to... true!}

i will continue to carry my dad in my heart... i will talk of him with ease so my children never forget him.

and ever single day of my life... i will miss him deeply.

missing in action

2010-11-01T16:46:00.000-07:00

yikes... where has the time gone!
i have been neglectful of my blog... and i do miss it lots!

but i am enjoying my new ventures a great deal too!
it has been so amazing to use other parts of my brain. i will say i am exhausted. no. EXHAUSTED. i can't seem to get my body used to all this running around. i have been battling jack's chronic, 3 year long mystery coughing with my husband traveling for, what seems like, eternity!

i literally just sat down for the first time today.
we had a really nice day... just busy constantly.
if i wasn't cooking or playing with the boys, i was cleaning or feeding the boys, or playing catch up with all the piles of laundry.

im not sure i will ever get back to my blog the way i had. sad but true!
but i miss it... it was a sense of a journal.
right now... i have on hold a list of other things i should be doing.
including eating dessert... while i spend a little time here!

in the meantime... a little of what has been keeping us busy!

this is trouble. this little boy, at the end of a horrifically long day which was preceded by a terribly long few weeks... got in the tub while i was getting it ready and had turned my back for a split second.

with ALL of his clothing on.

he likes to torture me i believe!

we have been decorating! best $1.99 ever spent!

a very over exposed self portrait of me and my little man who is getting so big with each day!

we carved pumpkins, the night before halloween. it was sort of, i must confess, an obligation. we never pumpkin picked the traditaional way this year. no far. no hayride. no cute photo ops. it was too much with jack's mystery cough. so we skipped it. and got them at the store. we saved BUNDLES! and our pumpkins came out pretty cute!

they love each other lots! sometimes TOO much!

we planted some bulbs... lined the walk with tulips! hope we did ok!

my boys all dressed up for a communion! a rare siting! jack would live in sweats if i would let him!

grrrr!

nothing better than munchkin sandy hands. this was the day the mother at the playground responded to my "she can have one" as her daughter cried because she wanted a munchkin with "i don't let my kids have things like that".

really?!?!?!? who says things like that! even if you don't want your kid eating that crap. everything in moderation. no need to be a judgmental bitch now!

my kids do not hold my hand. ever. or rarely. sam does sometimes & my heart skips a beat when his little hand slips in to mine. literally, i melt & ooze!

meet the newsest man in my life! my best friend had a baby!

im in love with him!

it is SO much more fun to swoon over other peoples babies and then hand them right back and go home and get a good night sleep. i don't do well with the whole baby stage when they are my own. my hormones take over and im 2 steps away from a psych unit.

so i like to "re-do" with my friends babes!

i like to be there for them when they go sleep deprived hormone crazy

{which by the way, she is not doing. which is amazing & annoying all at the same time}

little man loves to slide down the slide on his belly. i lvoe watching him get up on the slide and swing his little leg over! its adorable... he is so determined!

a group shot of our halloween extravaganza!

i call it "organized chaos"!

the biggest puppy & woody have been trick or treating for 5 years now together.

they are big!

woody! when he saw this picture he said: "oh my gosh i look sooo awsome!"

happy fall!

feeling groovy!

2010-10-02T18:54:00.000-07:00

i love that song!
i hear songs and they immediately take me back to a certain place.
a time.
often very specific memory or sometimes a period in my life.

songs make me happy.
turning on that ipod can, plain & simple, turn my entire mood around.

feeling groovy is a fun & happy song!

im feeling that way lately.
i was missing something in life.
i adore being a mommy... blah blah blah. i don't need to gush over them unnecessarily. you know the drill.
but i was missing something. for ME! before i had kids i had a vision of motherhood that was dreamy and of me in perfect control. i knew what my kids would be like, how they would behave, what my husband & i would look like as parents.
none of that was quite true. not that it isn't dreamy and amazing and rewarding. but it is certainly not this glamorous job detail i thought it would be! i never thought past the amazing & rewarding parts to the nitty gritty!

recently i decided to make some changes for ME!
and let me tell you, i finally am finding a balance.
and with that... i have more energy, feel better, and am so excited to have something else to contribute to the world outside of "jack & sam's mom".
{not that being that isn't the most amazing and always the most important job i will have}
but this is fun! im loving this stella & dot venture! im having trouble keeping my money in my wallet! i can't wait for my launch next week!
and im about to start picking up some cases again at work. im scared shitless of doing this again. but i can't wait!

im not gonna feel bad about needing something for me.
it makes me a better me.
a better mommy!
a better wife!
and a better ... ME!

i got home from a work thing the other day and jack was over the moon to see me!
i think having a little time away from me was good for him too!

ok... here are some random pictures of what we have been up to lately.
sort of.
i have been neglecting my camera in my new venture.
which is about my only regret in all of this.
but once i have it figured out... we will be back together again soon!

big milestones at our house! my heart skips a beat as i watch him ride no training wheels.

stuck between pride overflowing and fear as he is wreckless!

we went to "touch a truck"... this is a horrible picture but i love how jack is just tucked into the wheel!

do you have a pirate in your backyard?

i do.

homemade banana chocolate chip muffins!

jack loves them for breakfast with cream cheese- he thinks he is eating a cupcake!

jack has acquired a new best friend. riley. the cute white fluffy pup! until riley came along he was petrified of dogs! riley lives next door... riley's mommy, julia, took jack for a walk with riley and they are madly in love since! it is so cute... i like that he will learn to take care of riley, even if only from a distance, because it teaches kids good things to help take care of dogs. and at this point, i can hardly manage to care for the humans in my house... so riley will be our adopted doggie!

my mom & jack working hard on a workbook. i love their hands working together. the hands that raised me... now helping my son. i adore this photo.

this was a real moment. a sweet one. without squeezing or hurting or forcing.

true brotherly love at its best. i just happen to have my camera sitting on the counter... hence the forced flash. i refused to miss this moment due to lighting & exposure issues.

teaching sammy how to scooter!

he just stands on it!

and when you hold up the camera... he says "teeeeeaaase"

and makes his obnxiously dramatic face!

it makes me giggle every. single. time.

we went to a wedding in NYC. my first NYC wedding.

i sported my stella & dot charlotte necklace :)

and this is the best.... i found him here.

in his closet.

with the door closed.

flashlight on.

coloring under blankets.

soooo sweet!

life, i love you.

all is groovy!!!!!

chaos & i

2010-09-21T19:16:00.000-07:00

i tend to function better in chaos.

{i'm social working myself i think here!}

but this summer i craved routine and structure... and a little something for me!

i love being a stay at home mom. but it is harder than anything i have ever done before! and i have really been looking for a balance...

my word is

balance!

when it rains it pours!

not so much of a balance. but it feels good!

i decided to sign on to be a Stella & Dot stylist!

i adore the baubles! so fun and trendy but classic and timeless too!

something for everyone!

at the same time, i decided to pick up some per diem hours working again!

it is crazy... but i can not wait to sit down and do some therapy again!

i can't wait to do documenation!

write reports!

get yelled at by parents...

and cursed at by defiant little kids!

i think i'll be better at my job now.

now that i AM a parent.

i get it.

i used to think i got it... but i didn't.

now i do.

i get how kids push you to your breaking point.

i get how without support and coping skills... the unthinkable CAN happen.

i get how you make choices to survive on a day to day basis, without understanding the long term impact these choices will have and how these choices become... bad habits!

i am really excited!

and really nervous!

{and looking forward to shopping for some back to work clothes... to wear with my new stella & dot goodies that should be arriving any day now!}

and in the meantime... life as usual marches on!

i heard giggles from the laundry area... i looked and saw nothing at first.

then i saw THIS!

see this guy? you know, the back of him? running in the other direction?

i see it ALL the time! and sometimes, i don't SEE him sneaking away!

he snuck off while we visited family in NY. it was scary!

he is sneaky and slick!

and is currently aging me rapidly!

a good attempt at a family photo!

we also attempted at getting a photo of all the cousins with nonna!

it always looks something like this!

organized chaos! it makes me laugh really hard... out loud!

it is almost impossible! some day {hopefully} they will all be old enough to sit nicely and smile normally with their nonna to get the picture she really wants! in the meantime... its a riot!

he thinks he is big!

can't you just see the mischief in his eyes??

i recently discovered i don't take many photos of my kids just smiling.

i love to capture the moments... not the pose.

so i am going to try and get a few of their beautiful pearly whites that make my heart skip a beat!

after our trip to visit cousins... my little man fell asleep on the car ride home.

he was like a drunken commuter on the train... head bobbin forward and unable to keep his eyes open!

sometimes... even the tough guys are still little babes at heart needing a snooze!

and while the little man was snoozing in the back seat... the one that should have been sleeping... yapping away!!!!

hope your all having a great week!!!

home made ice cream!

2010-09-15T17:00:00.000-07:00

i have a few "unfinished" projects recently.

not that i didn't finish them.

but really that i got wrapped up in the moment {or forgot & got distracted may be more reasonable} and didn't finish photographing them!

life has been crazy busy lately.

i have lots of "balls in the air" so to speak.

lots of decisions to make and possible changes in my future.

its very exciting, all consuming & overwhelming all at the same time!

so i made ice cream ;)

obviously the perfect fix!

i used the recipe from the cuisinart booklet the ice cream maker comes with!

vanilla bean! did you have any idea that vanilla beans are outrageously priced!

like the gucci of the "spice isle"!

i also have these adorable mixing bowls from william sonoma a few years back.

i loved that they were pink... since i'm very outnumbered by testosterone in this house i figured i was entitled to a set of pink mixing bowls!

while making this ice cream, i suddenly noticed that...

when i crack the egg on the above side of the bowl, i always get the egg white dripping down the side and i think its gross.

and when i crack it on the "handle" side... it drips right into the bowl! YEAH!!!!!

i thought i hit the jack pot of ideas! the little things that get me going!!!

as it cooks it is thin and white at first

and then becomes more yellow & custard like.

the problem is... when you are taking pictures for your blog, you run the risk of over cooking the mixture... and then you have ice cream that is more like.... well... creme brulee.

could be worse problems to have!

and apparently i was too busy consuming said ice cream to take finished photos!

i wish i had planned better... the process of making your own ice cream, start to finish... is much longer than anticipated.

{freezing the canister, cooking, setting, time in the maker, and then it needs more time in the freezer... i found overnight was best}

so.... added to my fall to-do list {which is way more fun than my summer to do list} is make ice cream again, pumpkin at my neighbor/baby-sitters request!

stay tuned!

fall cleaning...

2010-09-13T12:24:00.000-07:00

i think i have mentioned just a few times that fall is my favorite season.
fall compliements me.
simply, i have a love affair with fall.

my 14 year old neighbor/babysitter declared the other day "you get in your baking mode in the fall"

i love that she knows that!

i have begun my fall "nesting".
at this time this morning, the stars, planets and everything else aligned themselves and BOTH (you read it right BOTH) of my boys were STILL sleeping.

i was able to take a few sips of coffee without refereeing or preparing their breakfasts.
i unloaded the dishwasher without ~~monsters~~ helpers.
i was up & showered and ready to take on the day before them.
that makes a huge difference.

today was the first day of school for jack.
i adored having a purpose for our morning, a goal.
routine + me= happiness!

this little guy was excited about the first day!

he now says "TEEEESE" for cheese!

his idol... jack, was in the bathroom ~~making a mess~~ getting ready and he was not thrilled to be left out!

getting him to pose is impossible! this is why i have no good pictures of him.

just action shots!

so busy looking out for all their friends they couldn't stop for a picture!

i can't believe he started his last year of preschool today.

suddenly, my little baby boy, seems SO big!

my cup is full!

so my most recent project!

this is the problem....

what, the messy deck?? NO!

the open deck.

for sam to escape!

and believe me, he does!

and gates don't even necessarily stop him.

yesterday i found him several houses down, after escaping the gate at his cousins house.

VERY SCARY!

against my husbands every wish.

i built my own gate!

i could not buy one, they don't make them long enough to fit & be compatible with the elements!

i borrowed my neighbors circular saw (i did not know the word for it until this day)

i had a very useful apprentice!

this picture is deceiving as it eludes to the fact that my husband was involved or did it.

not the case. i am the handy member of this family.

we all have strengths, his is not handy work!

his father showed up mid-chaos and said "why is he watching the kids and your building?"

i just looked at him and pleasantly responded "because he is better at that"

but his muscles were needed a few times!

jack takes after his mommy ;)

and... the finished product!
it is not level.
not perfect.
but i did it all for under $70.
and i am quite proud of my work!!!!!!

and love that sammy is locked on the deck!

so there you have it!
i have a few other things i have been working on!
and life is getting back to normal... so stay tuned my friends!

HAPPY FALL!

everywhere the signs....

2010-09-10T16:41:00.000-07:00

there are signs every where in my life.

this is one of my favorites.........

i wish i had been more creative. i really do.
i have found myself stuck in this ready for fall and nesting state of being.
but really feeling this pressure to enjoy what is left of summer while i can... thinking i will be missing it sometime soon!

the fall thing keeps winning! and im loving it! cooking and cleaning and organizing. i have bunch of pictures coming up... some projects i've been working on and fun thats been had!!!

go check out the other links at the site... that are far better than mine!!!

last hoorah!

2010-09-07T16:53:00.000-07:00

summer is over... not officially but, you know!

and let me tell you I WORSHIP FALL!

i even transform... "fall robyn"

my 13 year old babysitter and neighbor declared excitedly today: "i love fall. its my birthday and you get into your baking mode!"

score! at least someone enjoys my treats!

i can not wait.

football is starting to pop up on the tv. the nights are getting cooler! it just makes me happy even thinking about the mere thought of crisp days, snuggling on the couch, little boys with sweatshirts, using the oven again... i love it!

but we had a great summer. aside from the sammy being a bit of a handful and into every. single. thing. he could find. summer was great.

recently we made it to avalon for one last HOORAH!!!!

we were lucky enough to take my parents. it was so special for my mom to enjoy a place so near & dear to our family. my sister also crashed the get away and stayed at a local hotel {scoring some major deal on some internet vacation site}.......

we packed the long weekend full of beach time, dinners out, shopping, ice cream, beach... and more beach!

this was our first night eating out... at the windrift.

it sits right on the dunes & overlooks the water. jack has never been out to eat in avalon.

he got a strawberry daquari.

this photo scares me for his "future".

this is why dad's are WAY more fun than mom's!

the seagulls in avalon are aggressive.

by this i mean... they have literally taken the food out of my hand as i was putting it in my mouth.

scary stuff!

nothing more funnier than a little boy sticking his finger out from under being burried... and giggling

"do you see a wittle fingerrrr?"

this was a series of pictures. im learning to shoot on manual! self-teaching for now.

f/13, 1/320, iso 100. i did not edit! YEAH! too bad my "subject" was screaming at the shells!

my sweet little man helping his pop pop to the car because he forgot his cane.

i adore him when he does things like this on his own. it makes my heart ooze.

behind the tough, wild & crazy boy... is a intensely sweet empathetic boy!

the fishreman's pier.

best breakfast in town!

you're not allowed on the pier. but the owner let me sneak out. i had no time to fix my settings hence the overexposed background.

i love this photo... not because its a great photo. but what it is.

my dad doesn't move around much anymore... and we got him to walk out the dock to sit and watch the hurricane waves come in and surfers. he & jack sat there and took it in.

i was proud of him for making the walk... and glad jack slowed down for a minute to sit with him.

and glad he got to see what avalon is for us.

mom & dad!

this visit to avalon was just before the hurricane. the waves were insane and the sea treasures on the beach were equally as cool!

beauty!

my nephew!

now if only i knew how to edit that man in the background out!

me & my sister at the pool sippin cocktails!

sea treasures... dolphins!

jackabie decorated the fence for his nonna with pine cones for when she returned!

my love!

a rare photo of me & my guy!

so long avalon! nothing like a nice send out of 5 plus hours of traffic!

it was worth it though!

woody & buzz

2010-09-07T12:47:00.000-07:00

today... is a sad day.
today... i cried a lot.
today... i saw woody & buzz.
and that was sad... because woody & buzz were perched ever so carefully into a flower arrangement that greeted visitors who came into the funeral mass.
woody & buzz do not belong at a funeral.
but today, woody & buzz were there because this funeral was for a 2 year old little boy who was taken to heaven far too early.

this funeral changed me forever. i had never met the little boy. but i had been great friends with his mommy in high school. the pain and heart break this family is going through is beyond my comprehension. i simply can not stop thinking of them and praying for them.

i have kissed my little heads today way more than i normally do. i have stopped and smelled their smell. i played lego's longer. i hugged tighter. i got down in the sandbox. i stayed very calm while disciplining today. all because God has allowed me to be so lucky to do these things today.

today i learned that today we should be grateful for what we have. for tomorrow, it could be gone.

the priest today said to the grieving parents something to the effect of, that death of children is one of God's greatest mysteries. i felt relief to hear these words come from the priests mouth, as for the past several days, as i have processed this families overwhelming & unthinkable loss, i have struggled, as i pray for them, that i pray to a God that took this baby from them. it's confusing. but comforting all at the same time. i feel a tremendous sense of guilt that their tragedy has me counting my blessings.

today... stop. and count your blessings.
and pray for this family whose lives will never be the same.
pray they are comforted by happy memories and that God helps them through the process of grieving.

positive penelope

2010-09-04T12:10:00.000-07:00

when the going get's tough... i put on my "positive penelope" attitude.

i recently saw this while shopping down the shore. or something LIKE this. so i went to etsy to see what i could find. this shop is great!

I LOVE THIS!

i hope santa remembers!

*i know... two posts in one day... getting crazy!

good morning

2010-09-04T11:21:00.000-07:00

~~good~~ GREAT morning!

this week's you capture, a few days late, is "morning".

this morning we woke up and went for a hike at the local audobon center in town.

we went with my best friend since i was 4.

we grew up in the woods together- our homes adjacent to one another.

so our walk was very remeniscent of our days spent in what we fondly refer to as

"the woods"

"the woods" is a place. a specific path that connected her house to mine, through the woods and a swamp. we played for hours and hours and hours in "the woods".

i took this photo of our boys, at almost the same age as when we met!

the kiddies running on the trail!

the little friends on the lake!

we let sammy out of the stroller ... he didn't quite want to stay with the group!

abby and jackabie! i love how he snuggles her right in!

the morning light coming through the trees

this may be my favorite! i am self-teaching myself to shoot in manual only. it is very hard in certain lights!!!!

a stroller, a daddy, a daddy with a baby on front and a big kid... all on the planks!

nervous nelly on the planks!

just when you need it!

2010-09-02T17:34:00.000-07:00

sometimes a great day comes along just in the nick of time!

yesterday was a nice day. nothing out of the ordinary. but it all just fell into place. we went to a friends house we haven't seen as much as we'd like and it was so pleasant. the kids played... they laughed & had fun! nothing better than kids giggling with laughter as they run around playing. we were able to catch up with my friend... we chatted about kids... and life and all that other stuff! it was so nice! i had no intentions of staying as long as we did but we were all having so much fun it just happened! and i needed it!

then we came home and jack and i played... candly land, cariboo, play doh. i got my phone back up and running {do not hand your 17 month old your cell phone "just for a few minutes" to keep him out of your hair... especially with a cup of coffee in the vicinity!}

i made dinner. BEFORE dinner. that is the key in my house... if i can get dinner made when the baby naps, life is less chaotic.

i made turkey meatloaf. that is a sure fire winner in our house! a few years ago, a friend of mine read an article somewhere about making them in cup cake pans... this way you could save & freeze them for your children ~ and they are the perfect portion for the littles . i thought the idea was genius! i am not a huge "freezer". i always forget to make enough to freeze, and the few times i do freeze, i forget it is there! but these little guys... i don't forget! and the boys both love them!
especially the square ones... made with this cool square cupcake tin i found at home goods!

{sorry for the terrible photo... i forgot to snap a photo during the daylight hours!}

we played outside after dinner. and just as i was nearing my all set point, my niece showed up to finish off the bedtime routine!

and i went to see eat, pray, love with my bestie. it was nice to go to the movies with just her. no kids. really nice. i liked the movie. not loved. i usually love julia roberts, but i found her to be the wrong actress for this role. it never quite jived for me. but i loved the message of the movie. which is interesting because i did not enjoy the book... and never actually finished it. but the message, balance. love it.

i have a ton of random pictures. i think i'll get myself organized and share soon!

i think in blog...

2010-08-31T17:12:00.000-07:00

do you other bloggers think in blog?

you know, your experiences, thoughts, feelings, etc... think about how they could be a post?

i do.

but lately i'm all over the place. i feel very overwhelmed... and insecure. lots of moving parts in life. i haven't had time to compile my thoughts and blog. i wish i had more time!

i am so very blessed in life.

the bigger picture.

i have healthy children. a wonderful family and amazing circle of friends.

but the day to day, minutia details of life has gotten me a tad bit overwhelmed these days. the tiny things that happen every day that ad up to a much bigger picture. it will all fall into place. this im sure of.

i saw a post at at this blog recently that stuck with me tremendously.

"comparison is the joy thief".

i love everything that means. every way you analyze that statement. all that it stands for and could mean.

i love it.

on another note... here are some pictures of the memories we have been making these last few days of summer {for which that i am grateful for... i am so ready for fall. Fall Robyn is ready!}

we celebrated my god-twins first birthday! i can not believe they are one! they have taught me that life is short {read there story through that link}.

life is precious.

and that you should thank God for your blessings each & every single day!

macy girl enjoying her pink cupcake!

happy birthday babies!

jack and his buddie blake at the super duper weenie truck!

if you do not know what the super duper weenie truck or restaurant is.

you should look it up.

it is SO cool! so american!

and nothing makes it more fun than the ice cream man!

and my husband... getting in touch with his inner child!

it was great! his giggle every single time {which was about seriously close to 100 times that day/night} he hit the bottom was priceless!

and mister nathan enjoying his cupcake!

we also took a morning bike ride to the beach up the street.

surprisingly we have not ever done this. it was one of my favorite family moments this summer. just the four of us. together. having fun!

"keep off"

my boys listen well!

we flew a kite! i think that was on our summer to do list!

which reminds me... i have a few left to check off. better get a move on it!

sweet & cloudy....

2010-08-24T10:19:00.000-07:00

ever wake up and think "today will be a good day!"

and then your little man does something amazingly sweet like...
MAKE YOUR BED!

that happened at our house this morning. he was so proud of himself! and it was the sweetest thing anyone has done for me in a long time!

right now i'm trying to cling to that moment. the rest of the day has not progressed with such loving sweet moments. i'll spare you the details... as i'm still trying to sort through them in my own head. as a social worker, i have this need for process. i need to think things through, figure them out, replay the events, recap, sequence, and ~~over~~ anyalyze... both good & bad things.

but my good day turned cloudy. his sweet moment this morning is clouded by some not so good choices he made this morning. our children's every move are a direct result of things we teach them. but some things are beyond our control, right? some times you find yourself standing there, ~~scratching your head ,~~ banging your head thinking...
what in the world were they thinking?
where did they learn this from?
how do i teach them better?
where did i go wrong here?

but... some things are beyond our control, right?

parenting is way harder than i ever dreamed it would be.
so... for a little while i'm going stop thinking about this mornings events and remember my sweet little boy. the moment he made my bed, the amazing empathy he has for others, his perfect hugs & kisses, the way he checks on his brother when he falls or gets hurt, the way he likes to put the trash bag in the can for me just to help me out, how he helped a friend last week who was scared and stuck in a play structure, how he lives life at 150% ...the good and the bad. if he wants to love you... its deeply. if he wants to play with you... its wild and crazy. if he is going to read a book... its so quiet you could here a pin drop. lego play... he gets lost for hours. if he is mad... he is intense. if he is sad, he is so sad my heart aches for him. he wears his emotions on his sleeve. which is why sometimes, at that speed, you just make a bad choice from time to time.

i guess... i have to learn to slow him down a bit! stop. and think.

this is all normal... right?
oh... i wish it were just easier!

and just because... i love him!

what a goose posing in the marsh at the beach!

i love this photo. everything about it. it captures who he is. running... like a mad man. up the jetti. giving him mom & dad a heart attack! but having SO much fun!

my big guy... sound asleep! a sleeping boy is the best kind, right!!!!
and i love this new 'no shirt' thing. so big!

homemade popsicles!

2010-08-19T18:17:00.000-07:00

this past week we did some "summer" baking.

which means we didn't really bake!

but we made!

and this went great with this week's you capture theme

"in the kitchen"

i found the recipe in some cooking light magazine i had.

{kudoos to me for actually using my cooking magazines lately!!!}

i love letting the kids eat them!

and i love eating them too!

in a nutshell:

fresh strawberrys pureed with simple syrup {equal parts sugar/water boiled until sugar is disolved}

and then some yogurt (we used stoneyfield ba-nilla}

then i added a banana to what was left of the strawberry's for the top portion.

as i layered, i added a few diced strawberrys after the first layer.

and then some semi-sweet chocolate chips on top of the yogurt as a special surprise!

and you wait...

i will note that the longer you freeze them the better they were.

we tried to eat them the first night and they were too soft.

they were super yummy!

and a healthiER option for dessert.

i can't say i don't like seeing the kids faces as they see our homemade popsicles!

this little guy is my new favorite little.

he is quite possibly the sweetest little man on earth!

it makes me feel like im doing a good job at this whole mom thing when i do something like this every once in a while.

especially since, today alone, i'm pretty sure jack told me he didn't love me about...

50 million times.

i know it is just words.

but to be clear, i have this horrendous stomach bug for going on 20 days now

{e.coli actually... WHO GET'S THAT!?!?!?!}

and my hard working husband worked a ton last week and had his annual fishing trip with the guys this past weekend.

terrible timing.

and i decided it is time to move 'mister trouble' to one nap a day.

{as mentioned a trillion other times on this blog. change and i... not so much!}

so i'm all done.

patience is gone.

and i just want to curl up on the couch and nap all day and mend my body!

but my homemade popsicles... made me feel better for a moment!

even if while doing them these two monkey's stood there chomping at the bit and ~~driving me crazy~~ being really helpful and sweet!

every day

2010-08-17T18:25:00.000-07:00

you capture this week...

very late...

"every day things".

so here is a peek at a few everyday things in our lives.

if i had been feeling better

i would have taken a lot more and been more creative.

but that darn e.coli has gotten me downnnn!

suddenly they play.

and reading is the fun thing of the week to do!

i adore catching them like this... when there is not an audience.

it happens because they are having fun!

i soak these moments up with every ounce of my soul.

THIS is what it is all about.

having more than one child. seeing my children be brothers!

hide & seek.

all. the. time.

and he is good!

i eat my meals with lego creations!

and buzz lightyear & woody somehow made an appearance on my phone!

and my phone is definitely part of my every day life... im addicted to her!

this little tantrum...

i see this way more than i'd like these days!

and he tends to stand UNDER my toes.

its infuriating.

and "pruney toes" are the best part of our summer fun days!

that is a lazy look into everyday life at our house!

go check out the other entries at i should be folding laundry!

aftershock

2010-08-12T07:27:00.000-07:00

a friend of mine, with school aged children, recommended this article to me.

"i love my children. i hate my life."

go read it.

take some time and go through it.

its long, a smidge wordy, but VERY powerful.

i have been following this motto this summer,

it is all in your expectation.

while it may sound... rather "debbie downer", it works for me. i'm by no means saying i expect the worst. but im trying to be a realist. it's a change for me. but i tend to be a moaner & groaner. and i hate that about myself. and with this new found "realistic expectation" thing... it has been eye opening. and has produced a lot of happy moments for us! in a recent family excursion i was very real about the minimal sleep i would have, the challenges of being in close quarters with family for a few days and all the personalities that come with that, and prepared myself for my kids to be pills. it was a perfect time. perfect because i was mentally prepared... realistically appropriate. i wasn't mad when my son squawked at 5:45 am. i wasn't mad when things didn't go perfectly as planned. we had a blast!

on a broader spectrum... i had a very hard time when my first son was born, adjusting to parenthood and all its ups and downs. i had a very very very hard time when number two arrived. it is fair to say i don't do well with change.

at.

all.

i had visions of parenthood and motherhood {because the two are separate but coexist} that were wildly unrealistic. visions of perfect angels. i didn't think id mind being up all night, because it was to nurture my perfect angel. i had visions of nursing my perfect angel for a a year, just as the books said. i had visions of my husband and our perfect angel being this happy little family. this was all very far from the reality of our expanding family. well my visions were all very far from reality. yes... things were amazing and blissful. but with that bliss came a lot of obstacles and challenges to conquer as well! that i was not prepared for.

my world shook.

like an earth quake came and rocked me.

i still feel big trembles.

the aftershocks hit us still.

some harder than others!

i never anticipated the angst, worry, sleepless states i would be in, the stress it provided to our lives, and how unpredictable and challenging it was to take care of this helpless little perfect angel.

i could go on... for a long time {oh wait, i already have!}

i adore my boys. in recent months i am trying... really hard... to focus on the small things. the joyous moments. the moment when jack says "im sorry mommy" with his head hung low after doing something he shouldn't have. with no yelling. this made me think 'he is getting so big'!

or the adorable things he says like "aminals" and "is it morning? that night went soooo fast!!!" and he lays his head on my pillow with me quietly.

or when sammy climbs up on me and just nuzzles in perfectly. or the joy of seeing my big boy....

jump off the diving board in 11 feet of water.

ALONE!

and swim like the next Michael Phelps to the side of the pool.

ALONE!

let me be clear in saying i adore my boys and my husband and our family. i would not change a thing.

{a few photos from my little man swimming this sunday at the pool}

on your marks!

i love seeing him swim! it gives me a huge sense of pride.

its along side of walking & talking... maybe bigger!

canonnnnn balll!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

except... i would have been a lot more realistic.

i would have prepared for the earthquake and all its aftershocks!

randomness

2010-08-09T19:07:00.000-07:00

i have a few random thoughts and things to share.

first... i had a wonderful night tonight with 2 wonderful friends of mine that i used to work with.
we talked a lot
as therapists would do!
we laughed.
provided therapy... (thank you girls)!
ate.
and talked a lot {i said that... but we really talked A LOT!}

it was nice!
i needed it.
makes me really miss work.
i loved what i used to do.
i miss my crazy kids and families.
i was good at my job.
it was challenging, scary, the failure was emmense.
but the rewards... when i could help a child... or a family
that negated all the failures.
which there are lots of when your working with mentally ill children and families.
i miss it.
time to start getting back to some part time work.
the task seems daunting and wildly overwhelming.
i dread interviews... theory questions... oh god!
so so scary.
but i need it for ME!

moving on...
why did i do this to myself???

i have this theory that if you just have this stuff out
a goodies jar...
that we won't be so likely to indulge as often.

this refill i went overboard.
i got my weakness.
sugary gummy goodness.
4 hours after filling i had to move the jar!
not only is it my weakness but jack's also.

the m & m's lasted a LONG time.
not the sugary candy!

although...
it is a good emotional filler for my thoughts and stresses of getting back into the field of working sometime soon...
maybe!
{and all the other things filling my brain at the moment}

and lastly...
completely randomness.

i live by the beach.
i HATE sand everywhere.
its impossible to clean and just really messy.
i enjoy the beach.
but i really hate the mess.
which is why i always opt for the pool when possible!
it is just cleaner :)

when jack was a baby.

someone taught me the baby powder trick!

it is magic at cleaning sand off.

its amazing.

poof

clean!

it brushes off with next to no effort.

a mom at the beach's best friend!

{i had every intention of taking a good photo of the clean feet. but my husband and cranky children were not interested in my efforts! so you'll have to trust me}

take your baby powder with you next time you plan to be sandy!

i can see them!

2010-08-05T17:09:00.000-07:00

so im working on one of my summer to do lists.

figuring out the blog world.

im trying to get my photos to be viewed larger.

alissa over at 33shadesofgreen, a blog i frequent, has been helping me.

so this is a test.

and just a photo i love!

{and by golly i think it worked!}

and now i am off to figure out why my camera is fighting with me and misbehaving!

thanks alissa!

"i like the things that summer brings"...

2010-08-05T16:31:00.000-07:00

i love that book... "summer"

it is a dr seuss book ... but i don't think it is written by him.

jackabie loves it to.

and it is the theme of "you capture" this week too!

and im on time!

things are looking up!

in an effort to pull myself up by the bootstraps

im trying to embrace what is left of summer.

and the things i do enjoy...

last minute trips to dairy queen

dirty tubs at the end of the day from dirty dirty boys...

because in our house, the dirtier the boy, the funner the day {not a word right?}

bike rides

pools..i really really really love swimming.

i long for a pool... amoung many other things too... but a pool may be top five things i dream of daily!

i love visiting with friends.

road trips.

i love random (not consecutive) rainy days that force you to stay in bed and snuggle on the couch {and of course accomplish mounds of chores left undone from summering fun}

i feel like i should say i love the beach... but im not sure i do.

at least this summer, with sammy, i don't.

i'll get back to you next summer!

i love bike rides.

i love watching the boys play with the kids in the neighborhood getting lost in the deep world of imagination!

i love sun kissed skin!

i LOVE that i can walk to this from my house.

i love this harbor.

i adore it.

i love to walk there... and take in the amazing picturesque scene.

its quaint, peaceful, serene, historical, and just perfect!

and these two beauties!

my nephew and niece.

they are still babies in my head.

i used to spend ALL my spare time with them...

then i went and had children and im not so much aunt of the year anymore!

but during the summer i can spend more time with them... which i love!

during the summer we celebrate my baby's daddy's birthday!

we made this cake for him!

it was YUMMY!

i make a really really mean yellow cake with chocolate frosting.

it is only semi-home made!

but a crowd pleaser!

today was dreadfully hot and humid here.

like don't even go outside.

but al roker tells me that it will be a perfecto tomorrow and weekend!

im looking forward to it!

there is always one.

2010-08-04T06:42:00.000-07:00

i am the youngest of 5 children.

and there are 9 grandchildren in my family.

my mom is versed in raising children.

to say the least!

she always says "there is one summer when they are babies that is just horrendous"

well.

this. is. my. summer.

im trying to focus on the positive.

enjoy the milestones and memories.

make the best of it for jack...

because as luck would have it i believe this would be his BEST summer.

but sammy... to the MOON!

he is all over the place.

does not understand no.

eats inedible objects CONSTANTLY.

and is dangerous...

he just walks away.

climbs to the highest heights.

would go face first into the deep end of the pool if i didn't catch him.

or run into traffic.

we are slave to his naps which makes leaving challenging.

and for a multitude of reasons i feel tremendously guilty leaving him behind with a sitter to do fun summer things.

im tired.

i don't sit down from the moment he is out of his crib to the moment he goes to bed.

but i am trying to make the best of it.

savor it all.

but man... im ready for fall robyn!!!!!

but... we do play!

i am very late on you capture but here are my photos.

and thanks for listening to my rant!

the subject was PLAY!

here is jack and his best bud blake... they play hard!

so this is funny... this photo and the next, i played with my camera {my favorite thing to play with} and played with the self timer... we were on our way to a cocktail party and decided to stop for some photos in the harbor {GEEK ALERT} and it was a riot.

the outtakes are hilarious!

but we got some good shots with our besties.

i am desperate to figure out photos at night.

maybe my iso doesn't go up high enough?

i can't even get close!

HELP!

although i do like this one of the coral and candle.

i'll continue to play with my camera til i figure it out... or get a new fancier one with higher ISO :)

jack and his buddy across the street played for hours on sunday.

its my favorite thing when they get in a groove and are just in their own world for hours.

isn't that what summer is about?

the lined the lattice on our deck with cars... aka... traffic.

it was so cute!

so hope you enjoyed....

happy summering.

happy countdown to fall!

(49 days if you were wondering)

summer revisited

2010-07-29T18:34:00.000-07:00

so a while back i had posted my "summer to do list".

welllllll.... id say we are doing just okay with it.

i love lists.

but my lists have to be in front of me and i never printed this one.

and i must confess in saying that i like to add things to my lists so that i can cross them off

(even if i already did them, make sense?)

so here is where we are

as far as a few i'd like to clarify and feel i can't check off

the whole "keep calm" thing.

right... about that.

so moving on....

we have had a couple of date nights... i had dreams of more.

so i can't cross it off quite yet.

we've been baking... not every week.

we've been crafting... not every week.

no weekly menu's.

although id REALLY like to get my head around that.

exercise... i am trying.

but just not hard enough.

and as for the blog...

to be honest, we've been to busy "summering" that i have sort of fallen behind!

but summer is almost over.... august is upon us!

crazy!

i worship fall.

i really really can't wait!

but im determined to embrace what summer has left for me.

we are going to pack into the last month of summer all we can!

how are you doing with your summer lists?!?!

lost my groove!

2010-07-28T17:54:00.001-07:00

i think i've mentioned before i like structure, routine, and being in control.

the moment things feel out of MY control,

i tend to...

well...

spazz.

i become cranky.

senstive.

i snap at the boys i live with {all three of them ~wink wink~}
tearful.

im needy.

and bossy.

just to name a few.

this summer im REALLY REALLY REALLY struggling to find my groove.

you know... a routine that works.

i could blame it on a bunch of things.

i have found a TON of excuses... i just typed out a bunch of honest candid things that have me in my funk... i decided to delete them.

this is the internet people... some things are too personal!

tomorrow... im gonna find my groove.

or at least im going to try.

im going to focus on the positive & happy things...

like our vacation!

this may seem like a terrible photo to post.

my little man crying - pirate face and all.

but i adore how this moment shows just how little he still is.

still my little baby.

not the big bad tough guy he tries to be.

he was petrified.

he tried so hard to be tough and not scared.

but he was.

i snapped this photo without him knowing.

as he slipped his hand into mind quietly, with tears flowing down his cheeks through his pirate beard.

he is still in there... my sweet jackabie!

jack was in the right spot at the right time.

he got the key!

here we are looking for "pirate pete", the mean pirate looking to have a *water* fight with us.

captain jack!

these little clams were all over the floor of the ocean as the tide came in.

they freaked me out.

they dig into the sand, you can see them digging.

there are millions.

sam insisted on eating them.

he is such a beach bum.

he rolled this digger around all week.

yes... that is my son and husband being swallowed by the ocean.

deep cleansing breaths.

when did my little man get so big!?!?!?

i'm so smitten with him!
he wore this robe every day after his outdoor shower post beach.

edible!

happy thoughts!

kid-cation

2010-07-25T19:24:00.000-07:00

im back!

vacation was ...

well let's be clear on the term

"vacation"

as defined by the websters dictionary is:

"a respite or time of respite from something;

a period of exemption from work granted by employee;

i.e. had a restful vacation at the beach"

i copied this from the actual merriam-webster dictionary.

let me be clear.

i did not rest.

i was not granted exemption from work in any way shape or form.

{i believe work load may have actually been increased}

and there was minimal respite.

fun?

yes.

husband not working?

yes!!!!!

family memories?

big time!

but the confusion with the term "vacation" is a bit of a problem for me.

if my brain weren't so foggy i'd invent a new term... like 'kidcation' {but that is lame} and i'd be an overnight blog-mogul!

but ... im fried and admist piles of laundry and sand!

so we are back.

we had a blast.

im exhausted.

and struggling to get my head back in the game...

as if i hadn't been struggling before this so-called-vacation...

now i'm doomed!

i didn't really work on you capture.

but i did get one great photo in black & white...

my godson/nephew.

he lost another tooth while we were away.

could you just eat up that toothless perfect grin!

i struggle accepting he is loosing teeth...

it seems like just yesterday he was enjoying his first summer in avalon...

so as previously mentioned... im struggling to get it together so here is a preview of a couple of my favorite photos from the kidcation!

don't blink!

a rare photo of me and my boys!

{stay tuned this week for a post about this topic}

we went to the inlet in sommers point, nj.

they had these hanging in the bar.

i LOVED them.

i should have asked where they got them from.

we went on a pirate excursion in Ocean City, NJ.

{another post to follow on that too... it was a MUST MUST do}

and this is my little beach bum.

he loves the beach.

and i love watching him enjoy the beach.

i do not love chasing him around the beach.

and preventing him from ingesting inedible objects incessantly.

im off to dream of a REAL vacation which would consist of no laundry, perfectly behaved children... or maybe even no children, island bliss, cocktails and days of stress and care free fun!

in the meantime i will enjoy the amazing memories of my kidcation!

vacation.

2010-07-19T08:01:00.001-07:00

we are on vacation.

vacation used to be carefree.

relaxing.

sleeping in late.

lazy.

late night drinking.

dinners out.

bars.

dancing.

strolling along shopping and moseying in & out of stores.

after beach naps.

and now that we have kids.

vacations are

stressful.

busy.

expensive.

full of activities.

so much so that you often never sit down til the end of the day.

cranky-too-much-fun-meltdowns.

walking babies in strollers praying they will fall asleep so you can catch a few minutes of sun in your chair with your face in the sun {as opposed to shoulders & back in the sun from chasing said babies}

early early "alarm clocks".

but ... they are also full of

cute sandy toes {and tushes... and any other crack, crease, or fold you can think of}

copertone smelling sun drenched skin.

outdoor showers.

licks off their ice cream cones to help them so it doesn't drip.

sand condos {jack's new version of castles}

watching my little man learn to ride the waves on his belly.

helping my littlest man learn to walk in ebb & flow of the ocean as it comes in & out & throws off his balance... as he gathers endless seashells & rocks ... puts them in his mouth & spits them back out.

salty kisses.

sunsets.

and sunrises {refer to above comments about early risers}.

my littlest man saying "ni-ni" {night night} and learning to say "shhh" with his finger up to his lips in this amazingly precious way that makes my heart skip a beat every single time he does it.

snuggley littles at the end of the day because they are exhausted & thankful for all the fun they had as they whisper, "i just love the beach momma".

and they, i mean i, fall asleep as soon as their heads hit the pillow.

as in everything in life.

there are good & bad things that come with the territory.

so... for the rest of the week we are off enjoying the beach and our family!

stay tuned for pictures of those sandy toes and fun memories!

you capture... "vehicles"

2010-07-15T11:41:00.000-07:00

we had a crazy busy week.

my best friend visited from North Carolina with her almost 5 year old son.

we packed loads of fun into the weekend for the boys.

so here is my you capture take on vehicles

through the eyes of

two little boys

whose mommy's are best friends

as they get to know each other

on a whirlwind visit together in New York & Connecticut!

benjamin had his first NYC taxi ride!

he was awe struck.

i love this.

they were more interested in playing with their new vehicles

than taking in manhattan!

this is my favorite photo.

if i were a real photographer

i would call it

serenity admist choas {through the eyes of two 4 year old boys}

they found a shady spot while we were walking around times square.

they were hot.

and sweaty.

and just simply wanted to play with their new rides!

and only in NYC, can you spy with your eye in the car

a taxi, double decker bus and horse drawn carraige all at the same time!

and their creations with tiny legos

{i forced the flash in this shot because i could not get the photo i wanted- boo!}

it was a wonderful weekend!

i'm still trying to recover from the monster sized fun we had!

check out i should be folding laundry and you capture!

a great blog!

rainbow happy goodness!

2010-07-13T16:29:00.000-07:00

do you get lost on the internet?

i totally do!

i sit down... give myself a 15 minute window, maybe 1/2 hour.

the next thing i know...

its a LOT LOT longer!

typically i feel guilty about it.

but i find great ideas!

and i don't watch tv really at all these days.

and there is a sense of commraderie in the blog world,

don't you think?

like when you read other peoples thoughts, dreams, ideas, vents, etc...

you can relate.

or empathize.

or sometimes i have a little laugh at what other people share, thinking, are they for real!?

or a laugh because they are hilarious.

recently, i got lost.

and found this idea for rainbow pudding pops.

did you ever have the jell-o pudding pops back in the day?

i can't find them anymore!

i loved them... they had that icey covering on them that was so yummy!

so we tried to make our own!

here is our venture into rainbow happiness!

the yummy pudding cooking.

i have not made pudding in, well, a long time.

it smelled so amazing!

my helper mixing up the colors

{i had a lot of trouble with my camera this day. the settings with f/s and iso were all screwy for some reason}

i screwed up purple big time (bottom left... sorta more like brown... do NOT overdue blue. can't go backwards on that!}

how yummy and fun?!?!?!

jack thought so!

so did sammy!

although he kind of seemed to think they were more fun to paint with!

they scream happy summer thoughts!

sam had it everywhere!!!!

it was a fun activity to do with jack.

and fun for the rest of us to enjoy!

and i made too many... not being sure how many the recipe would make.

i took some to the babysitters house for her and her sisters... i felt like betty crocker!

and then AFTER i made them.

i saw a post on a blog i visit almost every day that she made them.

i know i just found them off another person's blog.

but i was kind of proud of myself that i did something that she thought was cool.

totally ridiculous, i know.

but true.

happy making!

home of the free BECAUSE of the brave!

2010-07-08T16:36:00.000-07:00

i have had one of those days

i wasn't even going to post tonight because i just feel like the grumpies got me.

i woke up with BIG plans.

the weather was iffy and everything went down hill from there.

things turned around a bit for a while.

and then ended with a thump.

do you sometimes just find yourself thinking:

"how did i get here?"

i adore my children. i feel very very blessed in life. they amaze me with every move they make. just like every other mother out there!

but the day in and day out monotony of being a stay at home mom exhausts me at times.

little things start to bug me... like hearing jack say "mooooom, phineas and ferb are..."

or sam moaning under my feet.

all.

day.

long.

or jack complaining he is bored {after a day of swimming, playing, swinging, arts & crafts, etc}

i know im blessed to be home with them.

and often times i love the very special moments we share.

for those im eternally grateful.

but.

there are also lots of times i just want everyone to stop talking-crying-whining for a moment and cooperate!

too much to ask?!!?

apparently ;)

so you capture this week was appropriately "america".

i love america.

always have!

i cry when they raise the american flag!

feel strongly that EVERYONE should sing when they play the national anthem.

i have family who serve our country.

love apple pie, my mom, hot dogs, red, white & blue, bike rides, and freedom!

here are some highlights from our weekend... celebrating america!

nothing better than an old fashioned bike parade in the center of our town!

we decked out our bikes with some of our greatest friends and walked in the parade.

a perfect way to honor our country!

love!

only in america does stuff like this happen ;)

in america... you get to paint your god daughters perfect little 10 month old piggies red to celebrate!

in america you get to go to the beach at dusk with your bestie to watch the fire works!

{i adore this photo. absolutely adore it. i love how it shows their personalities and just how much they love one another}

you can snuggle on your mom's lap while watching in awe as the boom into the sky.

i loved this moment.

around us were some "young loves" snuggled under the fireworks romantically.

i reminisced of those moments with my hubbie. it made me smile.

but then i thought... how lucky am i!

this experience with my son. sitting on my lap. watching the sky light up in honor of our freedom. he asked a million questions about how they went off, talked about which ones he liked the best, and just wanted to learn more about it. periodically i got a sweet little snuggle or kiss {he was really tired...but i like to think they were just because}. it was such a deeper love than i ever felt before. so unconditional. nothing else. at all.

while i was sad my hubbie had to go back home with the baby and miss the 4th celebration.

i felt so very fortunate to have that experience with my little man!

and who couldn't love this exhausted face!

only in america do you get to stay up past 11 pm to see the fireworks!

sorry about my brutal rant!

our little heaven!

2010-07-07T18:29:00.000-07:00

we go to avalon new jersey for our family vacations.

we are lucky enough that my hubbies parents have a home there.

jack looks forward to it so much!

above, he on the run to see the sunset at the bay!

avalon is tradition.

i love tradition.

total sucker for it!

my husband spent his summers there his entire life.

now we go as often as we can.

its hard with sam being a baby still.

although, this is the first summer i can see, with jack, the light at the end of the tunnel!

he is old enough to understand...

sleep is a must.

spending the day at the beach is perfection.

he loves to talk about morning trips to Wawa for donuts with his pop.

he loves the "5 & 10 store" where he can get great cheap toys.

ice cream is a must.

bike rides are great.

there are touristy things to do.

but...

family... he gets to see tons of family while we are there!

his enthusiasim makes the 3 and a half hour plus car ride a smidge more manageable.

i dreamed of this picture.

my boys.

in avalon.

in their adorable madras swim suits from gap kids.

{well i dreamed of them posing perfectly for a great picture without the complete obnoxious level of over exposure... but i'll take what i can get}

to get to the beach... you have to schelp through the dunes.

the dunes are a brutal walk. i find the walk to the beach torture.

every time i moan.

i begin to think and sound like a total princess/prima donna/spoiled bratt... self admittedly.

the air does not move in the dunes. its dead humid air. buggie. and some tough hills to push a double jogger up.

but then.... just as i want to throw myself down on the ground and stomp my feet that i don't want to walk anymore...

your feet hit beautiful soft sands.

you can feel the ocean breeze.

the smell is perfectly familiar and comforting.

all my senses go on over drive in the best way possible.

i forget about the crying and tired kids, sweat from the walk, long car ride, stress i insist on taking on from being on vacation, and everything else that stresses me out about being away...

and i can see this...

a dolphin was swimming right off the shore as we walked out of the dunes onto the beach.

its like the reward at the end!

makes it all worth it.

all of our stresses and struggles and weekly bump and grind drama dissipates.

life.

is.

good.

my husband plays in the ocean all day with the kids.

teaching them how to surf, fish, and stay safe in the ocean.

and play in it!

and jack's excitement when he finally gets it!

its just so amazing!

{terrible editing on this photo!}

this boat is also tradition.

every child has their picture with it.

we have family photos in front of it.

jack's favorite toy in avalon is a toy replication of the boat.

sandy toes are a requirement.

the curiosity and wonder in sammy's every move as he explores and learns what this little piece of heaven our family has is all about.

pure unadulterated joy.

there are sleepy toes in the stroller after playing hard in the ocean and sand.

jack seems to worship the soft sands at the beach.

so much so that he literally rolls in it.

and lays here just playing.

quietly.

peacefully.

i love how dirty he is.

and he just does not care!

adorable sandy fingers helping daddy fish.

this butterfly just hung out at the house all week.

it was beautiful!

stayed still for pictures and for jack to get a great look at her!

we are blessed.

i love avalon... more and more with each visit {for more pictures of this getaway follow the link... and stay tuned too because there are future trips planned}

hope your enjoying your summer vacations and staycations too!

survival of the hottest!

2010-07-06T13:23:00.001-07:00

my temp thingy in my car reads a whopping 105 degrees

it is too hot to take mister asthma out.

and way to hot for my liking.

we went to target.

i made it out under $80!

did you know they take BJ's coupons :)

score!

jack had a sobbing tantrum in target because i told him no more cars.

i ignored him.

get.

over.

it.

then we saw not one but two friends from school.

we got some projects to work on for the next few oppressive days.

we got home and made rainbow pudding pops...

stay tuned for pictures, details and where i got the idea.

it was messy.

but fun.

then we got home and he was just a jerk!

you know.

into everything.

i didn't do anything the right way.

yelling at me.

then we made water accoridans with glasses... at his request.

guess he saw it on noggin.

lasted about 2 minutes.

as i type i hear him downstairs into something he shouldn't be.

and i just don't have the energy to care.

i will very likely regret this decision when i do go down to see what is happening.

im hoping to survive the rest of the day without hurting myself... or any of the little people i live with!

wish me luck!

peanut butter balls

2010-07-05T06:54:00.001-07:00

people come into your lives at different points in time.

for different reasons.

some come & go quickly.

some make tremendous impacts.

friendships are life changing.

regardless if they are good or bad.

i believe that there are different kinds of friends for different things.

you know...you have the friend {if you are lucky}

that you call to cry to.

that will say it like it is.

to make you laugh.

you can confide in.

who knows just what you need.

you can "gossip" with.

you share lifetime memories with.

to go out and have fun with.

who makes you crazy.

that knows when to tell you to get your act together.

your "mom friends".

work friends.

some friends you just click with immediately.

some take some time.

there are also the "unhealthy" friends who just make you feel bad or don't bring out the best in you.

{ive got one or two of those too...but we will save that for another post... maybe}

i can go on.

i am tremendously overwhelmingly blessed with friends in my life.

my heart is full.

so onto the peanut butter balls.

i have made this recipe since i was a very young girl.

as i write this, i realize it is maybe one of the first recipes i have memory of making without my mom.

i have been friends with stacey since i was 4.

our houses backyards connected... through a swamp and some woods.

we both are the youngest of 5 and 6 children... with all our siblings from much older than us.

we lived in a very very rural tiny town.

we did every thing together as children.

spent our summers "cleaning the swamp".

riding bikes everywhere.

swimming.

creating.

sledding.

we got our first wet & wild make up together at the pharmacy.

we looked forward to TGIF tv on friday nights.

hot dogs on saturdays with my dad in the "rum rum" {austin healy}.

we are still very dear friends all these years...MANY years later!

we are nothing alike.

we have joked that if we crossed paths today we would probably not be great friends.

but ... our hearts are tied together by our memories and what we share.

much like sisters really.

our friendship is unconditional and not going anywhere.

so stacey taught me, amoung many things, to make peanut butter balls.

it is so easy.

it is a pretty healthy snack.

and easy for kids too!

jack really enjoyed rolling the balls this time around.

you need ABOUT

1.5 cups of peanut butter

1/4 cup of honey

a packet of dry milk (the brand name is MUCH better if you can find it. i have discovered that blending it in the mini chopper makes the final outcome MUCH better so you avoid the crunchies of the dry milk)

i NEVER measure.

i also now use my kitchen aid mixer.

it is significantly easier.

the longer you mix it the better

the consistency should be sticky but not gooey.

and some food for thought:

a chocolate chip on top is yummy

i discovered recently that frozen, they are deeelish!

and i have wondered, but never tried, how they may taste dipped in chocolate...

{oh- do NOT make these with all natural peanut butter... that fails miserably}

hope you enjoy this yummy treat.

and your friend today!

lost and lazy.

2010-07-02T16:57:00.001-07:00

it's friday night.

my husband is out for his first "guys night" in a very long time.

don't feel bad for him...

he get's a lot of 'time' out of the house doing very fun things.

dinners out.

drinks out.

lunches out.

golf.

vacations... i mean work meetings at fun lavish places that require stays at the four seasons.

granted, he works his ass off and would MUCH rather be home with us.

he lives a rather exciting lifestyle while i...

am in a seemingly abusive relationship with a 4 year old and 1 year old.

eating peanut butter & jelly.

cleaning boogies off noses.

and working really hard at not negotiating with my terrorist (aka, my 4 year old).

so im lost on the internet.

there are clothes to put away.

laundry to be done.

a VERY dirty kitchen floor.

{like i can see stuff on it... and it will stay there just one more day!}

dishes in the sink.

etc.

and im still sitting here...

and have resolved myself that i will not get up and do the work!

so here is my you capture photos for the week.

we were away in avalon, nj.

the challenge was

hands.

green.

chair.

pick one... i think.

i kind of broke the rules.

but people do every week.

and its more of a bend of rules.

avalon is quite possibly one of the most amazing places for our family.

my photos this week are not that great.

i wasn't trying.

i was really trying to enjoy the weekend with the boys at the beach.

but these moments happened to pass by so i snapped!

this is for the "hands" challenge.

he was COVERED at all times.

he really likes the soft warm sand.

not the sand where the tides come & go.

here is sammy in the chair in avalon.

{i have a HILARIOUS photo of jack in this chair... if procrastination continues i will look for it before i post because its a riot}

and sam making great effort to get out of the chair.

poor sam!

EDIT: here is the photo of jack from 2009 in the same chair.

i still crack up at this today.

"get the freaking camera out of my face mom!"

sammy in his new chair!

so excited for this!

relaxing in the rockers out back after a long day at the beach

brothers in the chair.

sammy trying to make a chair out of daddy's tackle box.

these next two were taken with my blackberry.

at our beach in CT.

one could tell by the rocky sand.

not soft sand.

im becoming a bit of a beach snob!

but her chair literally broke while she was sitting in it.

it was really rather funny.

and i should note it did not break because of some weight limit.

it was an older chair and the fabric just tore from use.

well sam took great fun in playing with the broken lily chair!

hope your all getting ready for some some celebrating of our country.

more pictures of avalon to come......

happy weekend!

happy 4th of july.

happy celebrating america!

lady liberty

2010-06-30T18:00:00.001-07:00

as the 4th of july approaches

we all prepare to celebrate America.

i thought it would be a good time to share a recent day trip we took to

Liberty State Park in New Jersey.

we celebrated a dear friend's daughters first birthday.

here is violet.

{at 8 months}

she is like a little doll!

makes me REALLY want a girl.

{her mom is really creative and has this amazing children's stuff she designs and makes here}

this group of lovely ladies are "my girls".

{minus a couple who were either working or moved away}

we met at marist college.

im so blessed to have found them.

we are like sisters.

all these years later,

no matter the distance,

or time elapsed between visits,

we pick up RIGHT where we left off.

like a group of 19 year old girls.

these girls make me laugh.

you know the kind...

when your cheeks hurt.

we talk about and share things that you wouldn't dream of discussing with anyone.

we annoy each other.

and we love each other.

its very unconditional.

i have learned SO much from these girls.

how to wear make up.

how to dance {well i never really LEARNED that but they tried}.

how to be not so "connecticut"!

and most importantly what friendship is.

{there are a LOT of kids under the age of 5 between all of us.

i can't be bothered to count}

so this day was amazing.

i teared up when i pulled in.

i thought

"oh my goodness. im bringing my children to see the statue of liberty"

i was awe struck.

i wondered before we got there if i would arrive and think,

"i remembered her much bigger from childhood"

no.

still magnificiant.

seriously.

if your kids monkey bars overlooked this wouldn't you be here

every.

single.

day.

and the rest of the photos below are just snaps of our day.

there are a lot.

it was hard to choose!

it was a good for the soul kind of day.

we had lunch at the park.

played.

cake.

and went back to my friends for pizza and beers.

it was perfect.

enjoy a few highlights.

jake being crazy with violets head phones to go to her daddy's shows with

{the milwaukees... go check them out. awsome tunes}

here is dominic swiping sammy's cupcake.

sam is thinking "dude get your own good stuff!"

jake and sammy being mad men!

the kids looking at the statue of liberty.

i love this photo.

there was only minor "staging".

flower picking!

is such joy!

this is my favorite photo of the day i think.

cole checking her out!

and dominic

the big kids singing happy birthday to violet

this is cole and olivia.

brother & sister.

sharing the job of pushing the toys.

{imagine!}

that hair!

makayla... winking!

this is jackabie...relaxing watching a movie.

this should be an ad for apple.

oh... and this is jack & olivia.

they are trouble together.

they had to be peeled off one another.

this was hilarious.

this will NOT be hilarious in say, 10 years.

but for now... funnnnnnny!

we got in the car to go home and jack declared "i weally like wivvy mommy" and asked when we could go to her house.

hope your lucky enough to enjoy your friends this weekend as you celebrate america!

the list.

2010-06-29T04:08:00.001-07:00

i feel random today.

we have been in the house trying to get mister asthma recovered.

this humidity is killing him.

i have "a list".

the list is a compilation of words that i do not like to hear.

i think the top two, in no order

are moist and panties.

YUCK.

i cringe when people use them.

did you know that the NY Post did an article that Betty Crocker was taking out the word moist from their cake boxes because so many people did not like it?

{i tried too look for it to link up but since i'm lazy and have 2 kids to entertain time is not on my side}.

it's hilarious though.

i have a hard copy of it...

my friend amy {who also enjoys the list} snail mailed to me from work.

i still laugh thinking about the day i received it in the mail box!

there is even a facebook page for the word moist!

im not alone.

there are other words on the list but today i figured i would just share the top two!

figured i'd also share some random pictures to go with my random disclosure.

we've been having lots of summer fun.

we had a weekend get away this past weekend and i have a TON of pictures to edit.

so i'm summer cleaning my photo files.

which reminds me i REALLY need to back up my files before something bad happens to them.

must add to list of to-do's for the week.

without further ado...

no one {with the exception of his brother} loves watermelon more!

he loves his daddy. i wish this photo wasn't so grainy.

i gush of his hair!

mister nathan... i posted about him in may.

he has had a very rocky road to recovery.

this photo was taken a couple of weeks ago.

i love his smirky little grin!

he's looking amazing and doing much much better... but still working on getting better!

i have an obsession with baby feet.

these belong to sam.

they are delicious!!!!!

he loves blueberry's too.

i love the curiosity in his face.

sam is peculiar.

very unique.

maybe he was looking for more.

maybe he just likes to put his face in the bowl.

who knows with him!

little fingers with blueberrys!

moving on to some more randomness

my niece & nephew were pitching at the same time on adjacent fields.

talk about stress.

{i shot with my iso setting on 100 for the ball photos}

this is my niece krystina pitching in the play offs.

and her brother justyn pitching in his play off game.

how does his body go in those directions?

and his tounge went out for every single pitch!

funny!

i love this one of him.

determination.

saaa-winnnng!

while cleaning out the photo files i discovered that you can stay tuned for

peanut butter balls

liberty state park girls trip with the kids

and a few other projects we have been working on!

stay cool!

the happily married *single* momma...

pink.

busy brain.

i miss my blog!

familiar & cozy

all i ever wanted....

light at the end of the tunnel

big day

365... but not so much with the day to day

i will...

the holidays...

finding a new normal

missing in action

feeling groovy!

chaos & i

home made ice cream!

fall cleaning...

everywhere the signs....

last hoorah!

woody & buzz

positive penelope

good morning

just when you need it!

i think in blog...

sweet & cloudy....

homemade popsicles!

every day

aftershock

randomness

i can see them!

"i like the things that summer brings"...

there is always one.

summer revisited

lost my groove!

kid-cation

vacation.

you capture... "vehicles"

rainbow happy goodness!

home of the free BECAUSE of the brave!

our little heaven!

survival of the hottest!

peanut butter balls

lost and lazy.

lady liberty

the list.

the happily married single momma...