chaos & i

i tend to function better in chaos.

{i'm social working myself i think here!}

but this summer i craved routine and structure... and a little something for me!

i love being a stay at home mom. but it is harder than anything i have ever done before! and i have really been looking for a balance... 

my word is 

balance!

when it rains it pours!

not so much of a balance. but it feels good!

i decided to sign on to be a Stella & Dot stylist!

i adore the baubles! so fun and trendy but classic and timeless too!

something for everyone!

at the same time, i decided to pick up some per diem hours working again!

it is crazy... but i can not wait to sit down and do some therapy again!

i can't wait to do documenation!

write reports!

get yelled at by parents...

and cursed at by defiant little kids!

i think i'll be better at my job now.

now that i AM a parent.

i get it.

i used to think i got it... but i didn't.

now i do.

i get how kids push you to your breaking point.

i get how without support and coping skills... the unthinkable CAN happen.

i get how you make choices to survive on a day to day basis, without understanding the long term impact these choices will have and how these choices become... bad habits!

i am really excited!

and really nervous!

{and looking forward to shopping for some back to work clothes... to wear with my new stella & dot goodies that should be arriving any day now!}

and in the meantime... life as usual marches on!

i heard giggles from the laundry area... i looked and saw nothing at first.

then i saw THIS!

see this guy? you know, the back of him? running in the other direction?

i see it ALL the time! and sometimes, i don't SEE him sneaking away!

he snuck off while we visited family in NY. it was scary!

he is sneaky and slick! 

and is currently aging me rapidly!

a good attempt at a family photo! 

we also attempted at getting a photo of all the cousins with nonna!

it always looks something like this!

organized chaos! it makes me laugh really hard... out loud!

it is almost impossible! some day {hopefully} they will all be old enough to sit nicely and smile normally with their nonna to get the picture she really wants! in the meantime... its a riot!

he thinks he is big! 

can't you just see the mischief in his eyes??

i recently discovered i don't take many photos of my kids just smiling. 

i love to capture the moments... not the pose.

so i am going to try and get a few of their beautiful pearly whites that make my heart skip a beat!

after our trip to visit cousins... my little man fell asleep on the car ride home.

he was like a drunken commuter on the train... head bobbin forward and unable to keep his eyes open!

sometimes... even the tough guys are still little babes at heart needing a snooze!

and while the little man was snoozing in the back seat... the one that should have been sleeping... yapping away!!!!

hope your all having a great week!!!

home made ice cream!

i have a few "unfinished" projects recently.

not that i didn't finish them.

but really that i got wrapped up in the moment {or forgot & got distracted may be more reasonable} and didn't finish photographing them! 

life has been crazy busy lately.

i have lots of "balls in the air" so to speak. 

lots of decisions to make and possible changes in my future. 

its very exciting, all consuming & overwhelming all at the same time!

so i made ice cream ;)

obviously the perfect fix!

i used the recipe from the cuisinart booklet the ice cream maker comes with! 

vanilla bean! did you have any idea that vanilla beans are outrageously priced!

like the gucci of the "spice isle"! 

i also have these adorable mixing bowls from william sonoma a few years back.

i loved that they were pink... since i'm very outnumbered by testosterone in this house i figured i was entitled to a set of pink mixing bowls!

while making this ice cream, i suddenly noticed that...

when i crack the egg on the above side of the bowl, i always get the egg white dripping down the side and i think its gross. 

and when i crack it on the "handle" side... it drips right into the bowl! YEAH!!!!!

i thought i hit the jack pot of ideas! the little things that get me going!!!

as it cooks it is thin and white at first

and then becomes more yellow & custard like.

the problem is... when you are taking pictures for your blog, you run the risk of over cooking the mixture... and then you have ice cream that is more like.... well... creme brulee. 

could be worse problems to have!

and apparently i was too busy consuming said ice cream to take finished photos!

i wish i had planned better... the process of making your own ice cream, start to finish... is much longer than anticipated. 

{freezing the canister, cooking, setting, time in the maker, and then it needs more time in the freezer... i found overnight was best}

so.... added to my fall to-do list {which is way more fun than my summer to do list} is make ice cream again, pumpkin at my neighbor/baby-sitters request!

stay tuned!

fall cleaning...

i think i have mentioned just a few times that fall is my favorite season.
fall compliements me.
simply, i have a love affair with fall.

my 14 year old neighbor/babysitter declared the other day "you get in your baking mode in the fall"

i love that she knows that!

i have begun my fall "nesting".
at this time this morning, the stars, planets and everything else aligned themselves and BOTH (you read it right BOTH) of my boys were STILL sleeping.



i was able to take a few sips of coffee without refereeing or preparing their breakfasts.
i unloaded the dishwasher without monsters helpers.
i was up & showered and ready to take on the day before them.
that makes a huge difference.

today was the first day of school for jack.
i adored having a purpose for our morning, a goal.
routine + me= happiness!

this little guy was excited about the first day! 

he now says "TEEEESE" for cheese!

his idol... jack, was in the bathroom making a mess getting ready and he was not thrilled to be left out!

getting him to pose is impossible! this is why i have no good pictures of him.

just action shots!

so busy looking out for all their friends they couldn't stop for a picture!

i can't believe he started his last year of preschool today.

suddenly, my little baby boy, seems SO big!

my cup is full!

so my most recent project!

this is the problem....

what, the messy deck?? NO!

the open deck. 

for sam to escape! 

and believe me, he does! 

and gates don't even necessarily stop him. 

yesterday i found him several houses down, after escaping the gate at his cousins house.

VERY SCARY!

against my husbands every wish.

i built my own gate!

i could not buy one, they don't make them long enough to fit & be compatible with the elements!

i borrowed my neighbors circular saw (i did not know the word for it until this day)

i had a very useful apprentice!

this picture is deceiving as it eludes to the fact that my husband was involved or did it.

not the case. i am the handy member of this family.

we all have strengths, his is not handy work! 

his father showed up mid-chaos and said "why is he watching the kids and your building?"

i just looked at him and pleasantly responded "because he is better at that"

but his muscles were needed a few times!

jack takes after his mommy ;)

and... the finished product!
it is not level.
not perfect.
but i did it all for under $70.
and i am quite proud of my work!!!!!!

and love that sammy is locked on the deck!

so there you have it!
i have a few other things i have been working on!
and life is getting back to normal... so stay tuned my friends!

HAPPY FALL!

everywhere the signs....

there are signs every where in my life.

this is one of my favorites.........



i wish i had been more creative. i really do.
i have found myself stuck in this ready for fall and nesting state of being.
but really feeling this pressure to enjoy what is left of summer while i can... thinking i will be missing it sometime soon!

the fall thing keeps winning! and im loving it! cooking and cleaning and organizing. i have bunch of pictures coming up... some projects i've been working on and fun thats been had!!!

go check out the other links at the site... that are far better than mine!!!

last hoorah!

summer is over... not officially but, you know!

and let me tell you I WORSHIP FALL!

i even transform... "fall robyn"

my 13 year old babysitter and neighbor declared excitedly today: "i love fall. its my birthday and you get into your baking mode!"

score! at least someone enjoys my treats!

i can not wait.

football is starting to pop up on the tv. the nights are getting cooler! it just makes me happy even thinking about the mere thought of crisp days, snuggling on the couch, little boys with sweatshirts, using the oven again... i love it!

but we had a great summer. aside from the sammy being a bit of a handful and into every. single. thing. he could find. summer was great.

recently we made it to avalon for one last HOORAH!!!!

we were lucky enough to take my parents. it was so special for my mom to enjoy a place so near & dear to our family. my sister also crashed the get away and stayed at a local hotel {scoring some major deal on some internet vacation site}.......

we packed the long weekend full of beach time, dinners out, shopping, ice cream, beach... and more beach!

this was our first night eating out... at the windrift. 

it sits right on the dunes & overlooks the water. jack has never been out to eat in avalon.

he got a strawberry daquari.

this photo scares me for his "future".

this is why dad's are WAY more fun than mom's!

the seagulls in avalon are aggressive.

by this i mean... they have literally taken the food out of my hand as i was putting it in my mouth. 

scary stuff!

nothing more funnier than a little boy sticking his finger out from under being burried... and giggling 

"do you see a wittle fingerrrr?"

this was a series of pictures. im learning to shoot on manual! self-teaching for now.

f/13, 1/320, iso 100. i did not edit! YEAH! too bad my "subject" was screaming at the shells!

my sweet little man helping his pop pop to the car because he forgot his cane. 

i adore him when he does things like this on his own. it makes my heart ooze.

behind the tough, wild & crazy boy... is a intensely sweet empathetic boy!

the fishreman's pier.

best breakfast in town!

you're not allowed on the pier. but the owner let me sneak out. i had no time to fix my settings hence the overexposed background.

i love this photo... not because its a great photo. but what it is.

my dad doesn't move around much anymore... and we got him to walk out the dock to sit and watch the hurricane waves come in and surfers. he & jack sat there and took it in. 

i was proud of him for making the walk... and glad jack slowed down for a minute to sit with him.

and glad he got to see what avalon is for us.

mom & dad! 

this visit to avalon was just before the hurricane. the waves were insane and the sea treasures on the beach were equally as cool!

beauty!

my nephew! 

now if only i knew how to edit that man in the background out! 

me & my sister at the pool sippin cocktails!

sea treasures... dolphins! 

jackabie decorated the fence for his nonna with pine cones for when she returned!

my love!

a rare photo of me & my guy!

so long avalon! nothing like a nice send out of 5 plus hours of traffic! 

it was worth it though!

woody & buzz

today... is a sad day.
today... i cried a lot.
today... i saw woody & buzz.
and that was sad... because woody & buzz were perched ever so carefully into a flower arrangement that greeted visitors who came into the funeral mass.
woody & buzz do not belong at a funeral.
but today, woody & buzz were there because this funeral was for a 2 year old little boy who was taken to heaven far too early.

this funeral changed me forever. i had never met the little boy. but i had been great friends with his mommy in high school. the pain and heart break this family is going through is beyond my comprehension. i simply can not stop thinking of them and praying for them.

i have kissed my little heads today way more than i normally do. i have stopped and smelled their smell. i played lego's longer. i hugged tighter. i got down in the sandbox. i stayed very calm while disciplining today. all because God has allowed me to be so lucky to do these things today.


today i learned that today we should be grateful for what we have. for tomorrow, it could be gone.

the priest today said to the grieving parents something to the effect of, that death of children is one of God's greatest mysteries. i felt relief to hear these words come from the priests mouth, as for the past several days, as i have processed this families overwhelming & unthinkable loss, i have struggled, as i pray for them, that i pray to a God that took this baby from them. it's confusing. but comforting all at the same time. i feel a tremendous sense of guilt that their tragedy has me counting my blessings.

today... stop. and count your blessings.
and pray for this family whose lives will never be the same.
pray they are comforted by happy memories and that God helps them through the process of grieving.

positive penelope

when the going get's tough... i put on my "positive penelope" attitude.

i recently saw this while shopping down the shore. or something LIKE this. so i went to etsy to see what i could find. this shop is great!

I LOVE THIS! 

i hope santa remembers!

*i know... two posts in one day... getting crazy!

good morning

good  GREAT morning! 

this week's you capture, a few days late, is "morning".

this morning we woke up and went for a hike at the local audobon center in town. 

we went with my best friend since i was 4. 

we grew up in the woods together- our homes adjacent to one another. 

so our walk was very remeniscent of our days spent in what we fondly refer to as 

"the woods"

"the woods" is a place. a specific path that connected her house to mine, through the woods and a swamp. we played for hours and hours and hours in "the woods".

i took this photo of our boys, at almost the same age as when we met! 

the kiddies running on the trail!

the little friends on the lake!

we let sammy out of the stroller ... he didn't quite want to stay with the group!

abby and jackabie! i love how he snuggles her right in!

the morning light coming through the trees

this may be my favorite! i am self-teaching myself to shoot in manual only. it is very hard in certain lights!!!! 

a stroller, a daddy, a daddy with a baby on front and a big kid... all on the planks!

nervous nelly on the planks!