aftershock

a friend of mine, with school aged children, recommended this article to me.

"i love my children. i hate my life."

go read it.

take some time and go through it.

its long, a smidge wordy, but VERY powerful.

i have been following this motto this summer,

it is all in your expectation.

while it may sound... rather "debbie downer", it works for me. i'm by no means saying i expect the worst. but im trying to be a realist. it's a change for me. but i tend to be a moaner & groaner. and i hate that about myself. and with this new found "realistic expectation" thing... it has been eye opening. and has produced a lot of happy moments for us! in a recent family excursion i was very real about the minimal sleep i would have, the challenges of being in close quarters with family for a few days and all the personalities that come with that, and prepared myself for my kids to be pills. it was a  perfect time. perfect because i was mentally prepared... realistically appropriate. i wasn't mad when my son squawked at 5:45 am. i wasn't mad when things didn't go perfectly as planned. we had a blast!

on a broader spectrum... i had a very hard time when my first son was born, adjusting to parenthood and all its ups and downs. i had a very very very hard time when number two arrived. it is fair to say i don't do well with change.

at.

all.

i had visions of parenthood and motherhood {because the two are separate but coexist} that were wildly unrealistic. visions of perfect angels. i didn't think id mind being up all night, because it was to nurture my perfect angel. i had visions of nursing my perfect angel for a a year, just as the books said. i had visions of my husband and our perfect angel being this happy little family. this was all very far from the reality of our expanding family. well my visions were all very far from reality. yes... things were amazing and blissful. but with that bliss came a lot of obstacles and challenges to conquer as well! that i was not prepared for.

my world shook.

like an earth quake came and rocked me.

i still feel big trembles.

the aftershocks hit us still.

some harder than others!

i never anticipated the angst, worry, sleepless states i would be in, the stress it provided to our lives, and how unpredictable and challenging it was to take care of this helpless little perfect angel. 

i could go on... for a long time {oh wait, i already have!}

i adore my boys. in recent months i am trying... really hard... to focus on the small things. the joyous moments. the moment when jack says "im sorry mommy" with his head hung low after doing something he shouldn't have. with no yelling. this made me think 'he is getting so big'!

or the adorable things he says like "aminals" and "is it morning? that night went soooo fast!!!" and he lays his head on my pillow with me quietly.

or when sammy climbs up on me and just nuzzles in perfectly. or the joy of seeing my big boy....

jump off the diving board in 11 feet of water.

ALONE!

and swim like the next Michael Phelps to the side of the pool.

ALONE!

let me be clear in saying i adore my boys and my husband and our family. i would not change a thing.

 {a few photos from my little man swimming this sunday at the pool}

on your marks!

i love seeing him swim! it gives me a huge sense of pride.

its along side of walking & talking... maybe bigger!

canonnnnn balll!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

except... i would have been a lot more realistic.

i would have prepared for the earthquake and all its aftershocks!